


My Best Friend's Brother

by Eep118



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Adolescent Sexuality, Angst, Explicit Language, F/M, Friendship, High School, Hurt/Comfort, Marijuana, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Romance, Sex Toys, Sexting, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2020-11-08 09:09:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 42,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20832950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eep118/pseuds/Eep118
Summary: When the Cullens moved in next door, I knew Alice and I were long lost sisters, but Edward was no where near a brother to me. Between hair pulls, teasing nick names, and Saturday night sleepovers, we spend our early teens growing into best friends and secrets. What will Alice think when she finds out Edward and I have been sneaking more than glances since we were 13?





	1. Chapter 1

I'm twelve, it's the beginning of October, and the Cullen's just moved in next door. My mom is at their door before noon with a plate of cookies and me by her side. She taps on the door with her manicured fingers and waits for the family to open it.

I'm looking around the house. An older couple used to live here. They moved to a retirement community in Florida. "We're tired of the rain," the explained to my dad as they hammered in the For Sale sign on their trimmed yard. The week they moved, a category 3 hurricane hit the coast of Florida.

Empty boxes line the wrap around porch. A BMW SUV sits in the drive way. This house is three times the size of ours. In fact, most houses on this street are much larger than ours. My dad is chief of police and mom sells her own art out of our basement. We don't have a lot of extra money, but I have new clothes every school year, they were able to get me braces last year, and I'm promised a car when I turn 16.

October air whips at my bare legs and I shiver. "It's cold, mom," I groan, wrapping my arms around myself.

"I told you to put a sweater on, Isabella." My mom glances down at my cap sleeved dress. It's light blue and made of cotton. I have black flats on and my feet dance to warm up my legs. She sort of pushes me behind her as wind whips the side of us.

Just as I'm about the protest again, the door swings open. In the doorway is a boy who looks a little older than me. His hair is so disheveled and red copper brown. I watch his fierce blue eyes size up my mom. He watches her with brows furrowed and then to the plate of cookies in her hand.

"Mom," he calls, "visitors!"

I come out from behind my mom and smile. His eyes fall on me. He watches me silently. I can't read the expression on his face.

"We're the Swans. We live right next door," my mom explains excitedly. The boy is still staring at me.

"Edward Cullen," he explains before a lady in dark denim and a marshmallow cream-colored top walks over.

"Hello! Please, come in!" she expresses excitedly.

"I was just explaining to Edward that I'm Renee and this is my daughter, Isabella. We live in the house next to you. We just stopped by to welcome you to the neighborhood." My mom is smiling high.

"How lovely! I'm Esme Cullen. You already met Edward, my daughter Alice is upstairs, and my husband, Carlisle, is in the den."

She calls Alice down and introduces us. She has the same blue eyes as her brother but her hair is much different. It's shoulder length and dirty blonde. She has it in two French braids and she pops her gum as her mom introduces us.

"Wanna come upstairs?" she asks. "We can hang out."

I look to my mom who nudges me. "Ok," I whisper.

I follow her up the stairs to the last room on the right. When she opens the door, her room is scattered with boxes and bubble wrap.

"Furniture comes tonight, so we'll have to chill on the floor," she says, sitting on some blankets and looking through boxes. "What grade are you in?" she asks.

"Eighth," I tell her. "So are you, right?"

"How'd you know?" she looks at me between unwrapping trinkets.

"Forks is a small town. You were the talk of the school all week. When you start Monday, everyone's going to know about you."

She nods. "Excellent." Her eyes roll and I giggle.

"I know. It sucks but you get used to it."

We talk a little more over the next hour. She tells me her dad's a doctor and got an excellent sign on bonus for moving his whole family from Arizona to Washington. She told me her mom makes jewelry but actually she does nothing except bake and watch soap operas. She tells me her and Edward are 10 months apart. He turned 13 in July which puts her at 13 at the very end of April. "My parents don't know how to keep their hands off each other, obviously. Plus, I was six weeks early," Alice explains jokingly. I tell her I just turned 12 in August and was born exactly on my due date. Her favorite color is violet, she hates skirts, and loves summer.

"Don't get too excited about summer's here," I admit.

"Why?"

"When they're not extremely wet, they're extremely hot."

"Sounds pretty good to me," her brother jokes, walking into the room. "Hot and wet are my two favorite things."

"Ew, go away Edward," says Alice. Her eyes roll and she throws a stuffed animal at him. He's pretty tall for 13 and his hair is every which way. They look both alike and totally different at the same time. Alice is petite. Her nose is slender. Her hair is dirty, dirty blonde. Her skin is Arizona sun kissed brown. Edward towers. His hair is red brown and wild. His nose is strong. His skin is pale. His smile is butterflies-in-my-tummy cocky.

"Make me," he teases. She gets up to chase him out. "Wait. Can I borrow your headphones?"

"No," she answers quickly.

"Please? Dad won't give mine back and mom won't let me listen to music without them."

I watch Alice roll her eyes. "Don't mess them up," she replies before handing them over.

"Thanks," he says, smiling and kissing her cheek.

"Don't get jizz all over them either!" she says as he wraps them around his neck. He chuckles.

"Jizz?" I ask.

Her eyes are curious. "Do you know what that is?"

"No?" I answer. "Is it, like, some weird snack you brought from Arizona?"

Alice just stares at me. Edward turns his head to look at me sideways. I see the slightest little smirk play on his lips. I'm so self-conscious right now and I wish my mom was up here.

"Oh my god!" Alice is laughing at me. My eyes are on my fingers as they pick at my skin.

"Don't be a bitch, Al," Edward says quietly.

"Is it food?" I ask again, focusing on Edward now. I can feel my cheeks burn bright.

He looks at me and shakes his head. "Well," he counters, "some people like to eat it."

This sends Alice into another fit of hysterics. I'm furrowing my brows slightly. Well, then what could it be? I think as Alice composes herself.

"You are too freaking funny, Isabella."

"Just Bella," I answer.

"I'll see you later, Just Bella," Edward says, walking out before I can say goodbye.

"Really, Alice, what is it?" I ask after her brother leaves.

She smiles before leaning over to and opening her mouth to explain. At that moment, my mom calls my name.

"Coming!" I respond which makes Alice giggle again. I smile because her laugh is infectious and despite her teasing, I think I'm going to get along with her. "I'll see you around, Alice!"

"Wanna hang out tomorrow? I know it's Sunday, but maybe you could fill me in on all the people to avoid at school?"

I laugh. "Sounds like a plan! I'll come over after lunch."

As we walk the few yards from their porch to ours, I wave goodbye to Mrs. Cullen and grab my mom's hand.

"Did you have fun, Baby?" she asks.

"Yeah, Alice is actually pretty cool."

"I'm glad. Mrs. Cullen seems really nice. Did you know she makes jewelry?" I nod and tell her Alice told me. When we get home, she starts dinner. When my dad gets home, he brings her flowers. She fills a vase and sets them on the table where we eat dinner. They discuss their day while I eat quietly.

"And they're from Arizona, Charlie! You should see how tan they are."

"Did she tell you why they moved?" he asks, forking a bite of spaghetti in his mouth.

"Some job offer for Dr. Cullen," she explains.

He shakes his head. "That ain't all," he states and looks towards me. My mom cocks her head but catches on. This is conversation they'll continue after I go to bed. I tell my dad about Alice and how nice she seems. When he asks if I met "the boy" I shrug.

"Yeah for like a minute. He answered the door, right mom?"

"Yeah, honey," she explains, clearing the table.

"Mhm," he responds before helping my mom with the dishes. When I get up to help, he tells me to go on upstairs and get ready for bed. It's only 7:30, but I don't argue with them. I never do.

After I get out of the shower, I dress in pajamas and slowly creep down the steps.

"Drugs," my dad says.

"Drugs? What kind?" mom asks.

"Just a little pot," he explains. "Word at the station is that they moved up here before the kid could get involved with anything else."

"Should we watch Isabella with them? I mean, she was upstairs alone with them, Charlie. I didn't even suspect anything!" I roll my eyes at my mom's dramatics.

"We'll just have to see," dad explains. "I think we've raised our daughter to make good choices, don't you, Renee?"

She doesn't say anything, but I hope she's nodding. I have never made a bad choice or given them any reason to think otherwise. I scrunch my brows together. Pot. I learned about it in health class. It's just a plant or something, right? I should have paid more attention in class.

I creep back up the steps and shut my door quietly. I walk over to my computer and fire it up. When I log in, I open google images and type four letters. J-i-z-z. What pops up is not at all what I was expecting. My eyes bug out and my heart pounds. Pictures of stuff I have never seen flood my screen. Vaginas and penises of all shapes and colors. They never showed us this in Health class when we had "the talk" last year. Each picture had the same thing: white stuff laying all over the girls' vagina. Oh my god, I think to myself. It's sperm!

The next day at 12:30, I dress in a grey cotton dress with a long burgundy sweater. It's colder today, so I trade flats for boots.

I yell down to my mom who is in the basement that I'm headed over to see Alice. She says, "be careful."

When I knock, the door opens immediately. It's Edward. I'm suddenly nervous. "Is, uhm, is Alice here?"

He leans against the door frame. "No," he responds simply.

I'm unsure what to say. I said I'd be over after lunch. She must have forgot. When I turn to leave, Edward tells me, "they went for lunch awhile ago. They should be back soon. You can come in and wait." He cocks his head to the side. "Furniture came earlier. You can hang out in the living room until she gets back."

I bite my lip. I could just go back home and watch for her out the window, but instead I say, "ok."

"Want a drink?" he asks, showing me to the couch. I shake my head. Why am I so nervous? He's just a boy. "Okay, well…" he trails off.

I don't know what makes me say it, but I tell him, "I googled it last night."

"What?" he asks, confused.

"You know, what Alice said…"

He looks confused for a moment longer before he catches on. "What did Alice say?" he teases.

"You know!"

"I don't remember."

"Ugh!" I clear my throat and whisper yell "jizz."

I glance up through my lashes. "So, you googled Jizz last night? And, what is it, Just Bella?"

"Well, it's not a snack!"

"Isn't it?" he asks, cocking his head to the side.

"No!" I tell him.

"I don't know," he starts, "I know a lot of girls who like to eat it." His smile is so cocky and it's getting a little awkward.

"Ew," I state simply before I hear Alice throw open the door.

"Bella!" she calls when she sees me. "I'm sorry, I told my dad to book it! I didn't know people in this town go way under the freaking speed limit!"

I giggle because she's right. I shrug. "Forks is a safe town."

Alice glances at her brother. "Not anymore."


	2. chapter 2

Eight grade passes pretty quickly. Although it's the end of April, Alice turns 13 in the middle of an ice storms. The day she woke up, we had a snow day, and she calls my home phone to tell me to come over.

I pull on a pair of skinny jeans with an emerald green sweater. I'm 12, so mom doesn't let me wear makeup yet, but I can sometimes sneak some colored gloss. Today it's sheer red. I pull on my pea coat, scarf, and snow boots.

"So much to put on just to walk next door," my dad jokes. I laugh with him before kissing his cheek goodbye. "Be good and be careful," he says as he shuts the door behind me.

It's been five months since the Cullen's moved in, but it's felt like 5 years. Alice and I are pretty much inseparable now. Every Saturday is spent at her house. When I'm not at her house, she's calling my house phone, when she's not doing that, we're at Edward's basketball games. She won't admit it, but she has a crush on Edward's friend Jasper. He's also new this year, in Edward's grade, and is at their house way more than I am.

Last time I asked why, Alice shrugged and said, "he's got a shitty home life." Edward told her his mom's a drunk and dad's a deadbeat. I nod my understanding. He's super nice and I never would have thought his home life is anything less than what the Cullen's have.

"Hey Bella," Jasper says, shivering on the porch.

"Why are you waiting out here?" I ask, going to grab the doorknob. I stopped knocking around Halloween. He follows me in and while I unpeel layers and layers of winter warm clothes, Jasper simply takes off a hoodie.

"Hi Mr. and Mrs. Cullen," Jasper greets when I'm unzipping my boots.

I hear Mrs. Cullen immediately get up and start lunch. It's only 11, but I know she likes to have food available to Jasper whenever he's here. Mrs. C is kind, gentle, and caring. Her hands are always warm and always wrapped a mug of coffee. Her teeth are whitening-strip bright and her hair is salon-processed blonde.

When she passes me, she places her hand on my back and says, "good morning, honey."

I give her a smile before I run up the steps. Jasper opens Edward's door and wave hello.

"Hey, c'mere," he calls.

I stop. I've never stepped a foot inside Edward's room. In fact, I've barely even seen it. When I'm over, we're either all hanging out in the kid-friendly living room in the basement playing play station or pool or watching movies on their oversized couches, or Alice and I are in her room. His door is always closed.

I walk to the door frame. "Yeah?"

"Get in here, quick!" he whispers, pulling my wrist and closing the door. Inside, Edward has a large, white poster board with markers sitting next to it. He has a large bed on the far wall. Across from the foot of his bed is a smaller sofa. Against the wall is a big desk full of text books, homework, and a laptop. His walls are light gray and around the room are posters of bands I've never heard of and friends he left in Arizona.

"What's this?" I ask.

"I was going to make Al a big birthday card, but I don't know what the fuck to do," he says, sitting on his bed. "I need a girls help."

"Ask your mom?"

"I'm asking you!" he says. His eyes are on my red stained, super glossed lips.

"Oh," I answer, and kneel down by the poster board. "Well, I guess first we'll fold it. Do you have a pencil?" I ask, looking up at Edward, pushing my hair behind my ear.

"A pencil!" he expels. "Of course, why didn't I think of that?"

I giggle while jasper grabs one off the desk and hands it to me. I take time to trace out Alice's name in bubble letters inside while using my best calligraphy to write Happy Birthday on the front.

Edward is sitting next to me now. He hands me what I need: pencil, markers, glue.

"This is nice of you," I tell him while drawing a picture of Alice and a birthday cake.

"What is?" he asks, watching my fingers grip the chubby marker.

"Making this card."

"Well, I guess it's from you now, huh?" he asks, looking at my face again.

Jasper is sitting on sofa in Edward's room, flipping through the channels on the TV.

"It was still your idea. I'm just helping out a little. Here," I say, handing him a marker, "color in the letters of her name." When I look back at him, he's still staring. "What?" I ask, rubbing my chin to get off whatever he's looking at.

"What's on your lips?" he asks lowly.

"Oh," I say, "it's just some gloss." He's still staring so I say, "take a picture, it'll last longer!"

He smiles. "Can I?"

I roll my eyes. "No."

Ten minutes later, the card is colorful and glittery and full of brotherly love with best-friend handwriting. I stand up to leave when Edward says, "thanks B."

I scrunch my nose. "B?" I ask. He shrugs. I shrug. "You're welcome, E." He grins.

I leave his room and shut his door quietly. I want to stand on the outside and listen to what they say when I leave, but I don't. When I get to Alice's door, I knock twice and open.

"Hi, birthday girl," I say, running over to hug her hard. She throws her arms over my shoulders and I kiss her 13 birthday kisses and one for good luck on her cheeks.

"Wow, you're a great kisser, Bella," she giggles. "Will you do my makeup?" she asks.

She knows I live for doing her makeup. "Yes!"

We're sitting Indian style facing each other, listening to music, talking about school as I smudge dark liner on her eyes. I swipe blush on her cheeks and stain her lips with pink.

"Nice," she says, checking herself out in the mirror. She hands me the mascara. "You wanna put some on?"

"You know my mom won't let me wear it until I'm 13," I explain.

She shrugs. "So wash it off before you leave."

I hold the tube of blackest black mascara and weigh my options. What the heck, I think before carefully applying some to my virgin lashes. My hair is dark brown, and my lashes match, but the mascara lengths and thickens them. My eyes pop.

"Damn," Alice jokes, wiggling her eyebrows.

She stands up and holds her hand out for me. "Come on, mascara baby, it's my birthday and I'm ready to party!"

We run down the steps and into the basement. The boys are already there. "It's my birthday, and I wanna dance!" Alice exclaims, jumping on the couch between Jasper and Edward. Edward rolls his eyes and hands her the remote.

She turns off the TV and turns on the radio. She's up and messing with the stations while I take the only available area near Edward. I curl my feet up and watch her sway. Thirteen makes Alice confident.

"Look at my boobs!" she told me last month, looking in the mirror. Her shirt was pulled up and her bra was covering the growing breasts on her chest. I laugh and nod.

"I see them," I agree.

"Show me yours!"

"What? No!"

"Come on. Boys compare dick sizes. We can compare tit sizes."

I burst out into laughter. "Guys do that?" I ask.

"Guys are gross, Bella. Hormones really mess with them! Edward's so moody all the freaking time. If he's not in the bathroom, he's throwing a fit." She rolls her eyes.

"Turn this up, Alice, I like this song," Jasper says, slipping his phone in his pocket.

I know this is music Alice doesn't normally listen to, but she does as he asks with a smile. Jasper sits back with his eyes closed and listens. Edward pulls out his phone and snaps a pic. Then he does it to Alice as she turns around.

"B?" he asks, looking at me.

"Hm?" When I turn my head, he presses a button on his phone and winks.

"Oh, take our picture!" Alice says, jumping onto the cushion next to me. She throws her arms around my neck and I wrap my hands around hers. She puts her face near mine and we both say "Cheese!" Edward smiles as he swipes his thumb on his phone.

The rest of the afternoon is filled with dancing and singing and watching movies. After dinner, we have the cake Mrs. C made, and then Alice gets to open presents. Earlier in the week, her parents took her to the mall and got her a phone, so she only has my gift and the card from Edward.

She opens his card and laughs. "Wow, Edward, your handwriting is surprisingly feminine." She bumps my arm and says thanks with a wink.

"All his idea," I express. "I only did the writing."

"Thank you," she says to him. He smiles gently and nods.

I hand Alice the small bag that I hid in my coat. Inside are two dainty bracelets with a broken heart on each. She picks Best and leaves me with Friends. We help each other put them on and she hugs me hard. Mr. and Mrs. C smile and wrap their arms around each other.

Later that night, we're back in the basement. I call my mom from Alice's new phone and tell her we want to have a sleep over.

"Be careful, baby," she says before we hang up.

Alice lends me a pair of sleep shorts and a white, V neck t shirt and decide to leave my bra on while the boys are still around us. Alice dresses in longer sleep shorts and an oversized band tee. We bring down all the pillows and blankets we can carry with our arms while the boys pull out the coffee table. We make a bed on the floor in front of the TV. Alice and I are on our bellies facing the TV with knees spread and feet in the air. Edward and Jasper sit behind us, lounged on the couch. It's pretty chilly down here, but we used most of the blankets to make a bed on the floor. Alice picks Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and not even 15 minutes in I hear her softly snoozing next to me. I look back at the boys and Jasper is slumped over with his arm over his eyes, mouth ajar. I look to Edward whose eyes are glued to mine.

"Are you scared?" I whisper. The lights are off so the only light is from the TV. He smirks and shakes his head no, still staring at me. "Oh, okay, just making sure," I whisper before returning my attention to the movie. A few minutes later, a character is running through a field and all of a sudden, a chainsaw starts. I jump. He laughs behind me. My eyes are slits as I continue watching the movie. After another part makes me squeal, Edward taps my foot with his.

When I turn to look at him, he pats the spot next to him and cocks his head. I don't need to be told twice as I abandon our blanket made ship. I bring up a sheet, jump onto the couch next to him, and sit Indian style. He's slouched and his knees are spread so wide that I sort of fall into his side. I use the blanket to shield my eyes from scenes too scary. When I lower the sheet to peak, Edward is looking at me.

"What?" I ask, turning to the TV.

"Nothing," he responds, shaking his head.

The movie is almost over before he speaks again: "Next time, you might wanna keep your legs closed a little more," he whispers.

I look at him and scowl. "Why?"

He smirks. "Those are some cute red undies you've got on."

My eyes bug out and I'm on my knees with a pillow I grab from behind me. I hit him over and over again, giggling but so totally embarrassed. "Edward Cullen!" I hit him three more times before I sit back on my legs. "Why didn't you tell me?" I ask. Tears sting my eyes and I look at my knees. I pull the sleep shorts down farther on my legs and I feel one tear drop onto my thigh. Edward sits up suddenly and wipes my tear from my leg.

"Oh shit," he says, "I'm sorry, Bella. Don't cry, please don't cry." He's holding my wrist in his hand and I steal it away. I wipe wet eyes with the back of my fingers.

"I'm not crying," I tell him, obviously crying. I sit back and cross my arms. He rubs my leg until I uncross my arms.

"Why were you even looking?" I ask, turning my body to his.

He swallows and looks at me. "I just, I don't know, I looked at you when I noticed Alice fell asleep. I didn't want you to be too scared down there alone. I saw it and then I just… nothing," he says, shaking his head. He clears his throat and sits up straighter. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

I cross my arms again and say the first thing that comes to my mind. "My dad says you guys moved here because of pot."

His face is blank and he's looking at my thighs still. I watch his throat swallow over and over before he looks at me and nods.

"I started smoking when I was 11." It was a simple statement. I nodded. "I started dealing 6 months before we moved here." I nodded again, a little slower this time.

"Why?"

He shrugged. "Boredom? I don't know."

We're silent for a few more minutes. "Tell me why you really did it, Edward."

He takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair. His other arm is relaxed between us and he glides his finger up and down over my knee. Sometimes he'll travel a little farther up but then head straight back down.

"I really was bored as shit, B," he says quietly and then adds, "and I got hooked up with the wrong crowd. I was sort of seeing this girl who was trouble. One night, at her house, her older brother had some friends. The girl and her brother smoked a joint with his friends. I wanted to be cool, so I smoked too. I hated it at first, but then I had a horrible baseball game and shit got to me so I did it and it took it away. Pot isn't bad, B, it's a fucking plant, ok? But dealing that shit isn't what you wanna be caught doing. When my dad found out, he flipped. He drove me around the "wrong side the tracks" to where his best friend from high school lives. He told me smoking is one thing, but selling is another. Selling pot leads to selling coke which leads to selling pills which leads to doing pills or some shit." He takes a breath and places his whole palm over my thigh. It's warmth spreads upwards. I'm watching him retell a tale that still has wounds deep in his memory.

"Anyways, I didn't believe him so I kept selling. I didn't even need to money, my parents would have given me whatever, but I just kept doing it. Anyways, my boss's boss was impressed with my "sales" and threw a bag of pills and powder at me. I took it home, hid it in my dresser, and my mom found it. The next day, our house was on the market, and that's that."

I place my hand over his. "Do you miss it?"

"Selling?"

"Smoking."

"Yeah," he admits.

"Will you do it again?" I ask.

"Probably," he answers honestly, squeezing my leg.

"Will you sell again?" I ask.

He thinks for a minute before shaking his head. "Nah." He watches my face as I smile. He smiles back. "I like your eyelashes," he tells me lowly.

I giggle. "Oh, the mascara?"

He chuckles. "Yeah."

When he opens his mouth to speak again, Alice stirs. He pulls his hand away and puts some space between us.

Alice sits up to stretch. "Did I miss all of the movie?" she asks, rubbing her eyes.

"Yeah, thanks a lot!" I tease.

She jumps on the couch between Jasper and Edward. Jasper stirs and stretches.

"What time is it?" he asks groggily.

Edward glances at his phone. "10:30."

"Nights young," he teases, "what should we do?"

Alice pipes up. "I have a great idea!" We're all ears as she says, "anyone up for a game of Truth or Dare?"


	3. Chapter 3

Jasper and Edward run up to grab snacks and drinks while Alice and I expand our bed of drop cans of coke, bottles of water, and sugar sweet candy in front of us. I reach for a Charms Blow-pop and peel the wrapper off. I'm twirling it around my lips while Alice and Jasper create the rules which end up being:

You cannot pick Truth every time.

If one of the siblings doesn't want to hear an answer, they can cover their ears until it's over.

"Don't be fucking gross, Edward."

"Don't make Bella all the way uncomfortable, Alice."

"So we can make her a little bit uncomfortable?" she asks. Edward shrugs and responds with a laugh, "sure."

Which leads to my idea for rule number 5:

You cannot force someone into a dare, but if they refuse then they cannot refuse a truth.

"In fact," Alice says, "you can only refuse to answer one truth the whole game by saying 'Veto'." She cocks and eyebrow at me. "So, for example, if I ask Bella if she's ever had an orgasm, and she refuses to answer, she cannot refuse to answer any other truths after that!" She giggles maniacally.

"Fine, but then it's only fair that you cannot ask the same question I refused to answer more than once!" I explain.

"Fair," Alice admits with a shrug. "Everyone ready?" We all nod.

When Alice asks Jasper, he smiles and says, "dare."

She puts her finger on her chin and taps. "I dare you to finish the rest of Bella's sucker."

I look at her with irritation. "I just opened it," I protest.

Jasper laughs. He reaches over and takes the white stem, ripping it from my lips with pop. I glance at Edward and he's laughing. Alice is watching Jasper lick the spit covering my Blow-pop.

"Gross," I mumble, trying to sort through the pile but coming up empty. "Great, Alice, that was the last one!"

She laughs. "Relax, sugar baby."

Jasper asks Edward who picks truth. "Who's hotter, Jane or Jessica?"

"Jess," he smiles, answering immediately.

"I fucking knew it!" Jasper yells. "You son of a bitch." Edward and Jasper laugh over inside jokes that Alice and I are on the outside of.

"Jessica Stanley?" I ask.

"Yep," Jasper says, focusing on Edward again. "Dude her tits are unreal."

Edward blushes and nods his head. "Should have seen her in gym on Tuesday," Edward adds.

Jasper shakes his head. "Man, I bet she can give some awesome—"

Edward interrupts him. "We have virgin ears, Jas," he laughs, gesturing to me and Al.

Alice nudges me with her arm. "I think he's talking about you," she whispers and giggles.

"Alice! You're not—" but she places her finger on my lip and simply winks.

I listen to Edward and Jasper go on about Jessica Stanley.

"Jessica isn't nice," I say softly after I've heard enough.

Edward eyes me before he asks, "Why?"

I shrug. He touches my painted blue toes with his white cotton covered ones. I glance at him and he arches a brow asking a silent why? Instead of answering, I tell him, "your turn."

"Bella, Truth or Dare?"

I breathe deeply. "Truth."

"Why?"

I don't want to use it already, but I don't want to answer this question. "Veto," I tell him softly. He retracts his foot and sits up straighter.

Alice picks Truth.

"You're not?" I ask, knowing she'll understand my question.

She blushes softly before telling me, "technically yes, but…" she looks over at Jasper who is watching our encounter and Edward who looks pained with hands over his ears. She giggles. "I did have a boyfriend in Arizona. He would sometimes…" she paused when she noticed Jasper was tuned all the way in to us. She giggles and kicks him with dirty toes before looking back at me. "I'll tell you later."

Edward picks truth and Alice asks, "did you lie when you told mom that you liked that stupid sweater she gave you for Christmas?"

He throws his head back and laughs. His whole mouth opens and his throat pulses with each deep belly laugh. "Yes," he admits.

"I knew it, you asshole."

The two are laughing and so am I. Their happiness is contagious.

Edward asks Jasper, "is it true that you fingered Jane in the janitor's closet on the 2nd floor last week?"

"Oh my god!" Alice groans but she is all ears.

"I did," Jasper admits, "and it wasn't great. Her snatch was dry and no one was turned on."

"So much for virgin ears," I giggle.

"I'm telling you, man, something is up with her. She hooked up with Newton a while back and he said the same thing."

"Maybe she's not into guys," I suggest, pushing my cuticle back in boredom.

Edward laughs and Jasper nods his head. "Damn, Bella, you might be onto sometime."

A few more rounds and Edward got a dare out of me. "I dare you to…" he stops to think before slowly looking at me and smirking. "I dare Sugar Baby B to call little miss Jessica Stanley and tell her she's a bitch."

My eyes grow wide and I sit on my knees. I want to. Oh my god do I want to. "She'll know it's me!" I tell him.

"No, we'll block my number. She won't know." He pulls his phone out and sorts through his contacts. I want to ask why he has her number and if he ever calls her, but I don't.

Alice is laughing and bouncing at my side.

"Okay," I tell him, watching as his fingers move over the screen. My heart is fluttering in my stomach and I clear my throat.

"You ready?" he asks, looking up at me through long lashes. I nod. He presses *67 and dials her number. It rings three and a half times before someone picks up.

"Hello?" Jessica answers. She's chewing gum and all I hear is pop, snap, pop.

"Hello?" I ask. I make the what am I doing? face to Edward and he throws a hand over his mouth to stop from laughing. With his other hand, he's gesturing me to continue.

"Who is this?" Jessica asks. Popping stops as she listens.

"I hate you!" I yell. "I hate you and your dumb blonde hair. You're a… a… a stupid dumb idiot! You're a bitch!" I say finally and tear the phone from my ear and throw it at Edward. He's laughing hysterically before he presses the red end button. I know Jessica could hear him, but I don't even care. Edward looks at me and claps.

"Wow!" Jasper laughs.

"Swear baby B has it in her," Alice says, jumping up onto the couch to bounce around. I'm sitting on my knees with my hands over my face. I'm embarrassed and nervous and totally alive right now. My cheeks are burning hotter than winter time radiators and I place the cool side of my pillow against them. Edward drums on my thigh with something hard. He smiles and hands me another Blow-pop. I give him a confused where'd you find this smile and tear off the wrapper. He shrugs.

"Thanks," I whisper. He winks at me. For one of the very first times, I look at Edward and can feel small ants marching around my stomach. I notice the sunshine yellow specks in baby blue-green eyes and the way gray circles around them. I notice the way he throws his head back when he super-duper laughs and that he has no cavities. I notice his genetically perfect-straight teeth and the way his nails are always trimmed. I notice his socks are always on his feet and how he cocks his head to the side when he's fully listening to someone.

"B?" he asks, tapping his foot on mine again. My eyes focus on what he's saying. His cheeks tug his lips into a cocky smile. He caught me looking at him. "Take a picture, Bella B, it'll last longer." He uses my words against me.

Alice defends me and says, "leave her alone, asshole, she's in a sugar coma."

After Alice lightens the mood, I ask Edward and he picks dare. "I dare you to tell us who your crush is."

"Oh c'mon, B, that's a glorified "truth" question. Give me a dare!"

"Ugh, fine!" I think for a moment. "I dare you to write something dirty on a piece of paper and slip it in her locker on Monday."

He laughs and thinks for a moment. "Alright, but I'm not showing anyone." I giggle and nod. Alice is kind of sort of grimacing. Jasper is trying to read over Edward's shoulder what he could be writing down and wondering who it's for.

"Fuck off," Edward laughs, "this is between me and my crush." I kind of sort of regret this, but when he sits back down, note shoved in his pocket, he moves on to ask Alice if she hates Forks after she picks Truth.

"Actually, no," she says and looks back at him. "Do you?"

He plays with his fingers and when he looks back at his sister, I can tell this is a simple, caring sibling moment. "No," he answers softly. She smiles at Edward, I smile at Alice, and Jasper takes a bite of a ho-ho. "Who's turn?" he asks with a chocolate cake filled mouth and the moment is ruined.

When Alice asks me and I pick truth, he wiggles her eyebrows and turns to me. "Have you had your first kiss yet, Bella?"

"No," I say, embarrassed that at almost 13, the closest I've been to the opposite sex is whenever Edward was touching my leg earlier.

Jasper doesn't say anything. Alice just smirks. Edward looks at me, like, really looks at me. I can't read his expression. I'm still watching him as I roll my tongue over my Blow-pop and pop the round ball in and out of my pursed lips. Edward clears his throat and says, "who are you picking, B?"

I ask Alice who her crush is.

She blushes and picks at a tiny hole in her shirt. "Promise you won't judge?"

"Of course," I say.

"Emmett McCarty," she whispers. I'm confused. She has never, not once, mentioned Emmett to me.

"That fucking meathead?" Jasper scoffs. "May as well just fall for a sack of potatoes! He's a fucking idiot, Alice. Of all the guys, Emmett?"

And then I get it. She plays this game well.

Alice raises her voice. "You're one to talk, dry-cooch-finger-banger!"

I laugh so hard I cry. I laugh so hard I fall to the side and kick my legs. Jasper and Edward burst out laughing and Alice joins in. I dry my eyes and notice black on my fingers.

When it's back to my turn, and Alice asks why I don't wear thongs, I tell her, "I never said I don't" and when Alice giggles and slaps my thigh, she calls "sexy panty B" and my face warms 'again. I don't wear thongs, but I didn't want to be teased by these three for the rest of the night. I glance up and Jasper is wide eyed, slowly nodding and Edward is licking his bottom lip looking at my upper thighs.

"Truth or Dare, Edward," I ask.

"Dare," he says. His eyes slowly travel up my body looking at my belly, the spot that holds my heart, a tiny scare on my shoulder I got from a firecracker when I was nine, a freckle on my neck, and pale-pink, Blow-pop sticky lips.

"I dare you to show me the 17th picture in your phone."

"That's pretty random," he tells me, pulling his phone out. I can see him move his finger and mouth one, two, three all the way to 17. When his finger lands on it, his eyes grow bigger and his mouth kinda-sorta drops before he closes it and regains composure.

"What about 16 or 18?" he asks. He looks a little uncomfortable and now I really want to see. I bet it's a super embarrassing selfie. I bet it's a cringy picture of him shirtless in the mirror. I bet it's a picture of something really, really funny.

"No, number 17, Edward!" I giggle as he looks at me. "Unless you're too chicken and refuse but then when you pick Truth, I'll just ask you to describe what the seventeenth picture in your phone is to which you can't not tell me!"

He nods slowly. He's cocky now. I can see the tease in his eyes and the smirk on his lips. "You've got it all figured out, huh?"

I giggle and nod, actually pretty proud of myself!

"Fine," he counters, looking at Alice and telling her she might want to close her eyes. She looks at him with disgust and scoots closer to Jasper, putting her back to us. She asks Jasper to hand her a ho-ho and then asks him more questions about Emmett like "does he have a girlfriend," and "what does he look like without a shirt," and "do you think he would ever like me?"

I don't listen to what Jasper says. I'm focused on Edward who sits up on his knees and crawls over so he's sitting between me and Alice. "You sure, B?" he asks quietly with a slow smirk on his pink, swollen lips. I nod. "Okay, Isabella, but don't say I didn't warn you." His voice is over my right ear as he leans so close to me and gently puts his phone in my hand. My heart drops to my toes and my pulse races when I finally look at the screen.

It's a picture of Edward's bare legs. They're pale and covered in dark hair and there's a two-inch scar above his left knee. He's wearing royal blue, tight boxer briefs and there's something inside. Something big. Something big and he's holding onto it over his boxers. Something big and he's holding onto it over his boxers and it's pointing up to the left… and… oh my, I think. Without rational thought, I pinch my fingers and zoom in. Next to me, Edward breathes softly and I'm so suddenly aware of where I am and how close he is to me and that I'm not even thirteen and I'm looking at my very best friend's cute brother's penis covered only by blue fabric and he's holding onto it and I can see the tip of it point up and it looks…

I suddenly feel the need to push my legs out and squeeze my thighs together. As I do, Edward's labored breathing picks up next my ear. He sounds like he just ran up to his room and back. He gently covers my fingers with his and pulls the phone from my hand.

"Are you done, Baby B?" he asks gently. His breath from his words warms my ear. Instead of answer, my fingers let it go. I want to look at him. I want to look at him and tell him he's cute. I want to look at him and tell him I think I kinda-sorta maybe just a little bit like him but I'm not all the way sure it. I want to look at him and tell him I don't wear thongs, but I will if he wants me to. I don't. I can't. I can hear how fast he's breathing. His chest rises and falls almost as fast as mine.

"Bella?" Alice asks, snapping my attention away from this unlawful boy.

"Huh?"

"Jas dared me to run around the yard with no shoes on! You comin'?"

I force a laugh, clear my throat, and I follow Alice up the steps to the back porch putting distance between me and her brother. Alice pulls off her socks, throws them at Jasper, and jumps into the snow. When Alice takes off, Edward grabs my elbow and pulls me back slightly. His fingers are soft and warm on my elbow and it tingles like when you light a sparkler on the fourth of July.

I can hear Jasper cheer on Alice.

"Truth or dare, B," he asks. His eyes are slightly hooded and baby blue-green eyes hide behind swollen black pupils

"Truth," I whisper, staring at his lips.

"Did you like it?" he asks, smirking.

I remember the nearly eaten Blow-pop in my left hand and put it back in my mouth. My cheeks are snow-blown pink and hummingbird wings fly inside my entire chest and migrate down south. My inner thighs tingle and again I squeeze my legs together. I don't know what else to do so I tell the truth. "I think so."

Edward stares at my legs and then my lips. His tongue peeks out slightly as he grabs the Blow-pop from my mouth and sucks it into his mouth. It was gross earlier when Jasper did it, but now it's different with Edward. I watch him lick what's left of the hard, sugar coated shell and just as Alice runs back over to us, he bites off the head and chews the gum, handing the paper-white, saliva-soggy stick back to me.

Back in the basement, Alice hides her frozen toes under the blankets and everyone sorta-kinda falls asleep after they rank the best and worst teachers in the school. I'm half listening, half high off of a royal blue, dirty boy picture. My dad would kill Edward if he knew what I saw. My mom would never let me back over here. They'll never find out, I think, tapping my toes on the carpeted floor.

I sit up slowly, not wanting to wake dirty picture boy or best friends. When my eyes adjust, I notice Jasper is at the short end of the oversized, L shaped couch. I'm not sure where Edward is sleeping, so I feel around for an empty spot. When I find one, I lay down and cover up.

"You ok?" Edward whispers.

His soft voice startles me. "Did I wake you? I'm sorry." I feel his head shake directly above where I laid mine. The long strands of his hair tickle my ear. "I've been awake. Can't seem to fall asleep."

"I know," he replies and after a few quiet, awkward moments, Edward whispers, "I'm sorry, Bella"

"For what?"

"The picture."

"Why are you sorry? I'm the who toldyou to show me when you gave me warnings. I feel stupid." When I whisper the last part, Edward reaches up and curls a lock of my wayward hair that fell on his pillow.

"Your hair smells like strawberry cream."

"Goodnight," I say, smiling.

"Sweet dreams, B."

Monday rolls around and I'm at my locker talking to Angela between third and fourth period.

"Rose told me there's a pop quiz in math today," Angela groans.

"What's it on?" I ask.

Angela says something but the blood rushing to my ears and my pounding heart speak louder. A small piece of pocket-worn paper sits at the bottom of my locker. I bend down and pick it up. When I open it, I see royal-blue boxes wearing, Blow-pop stealing, hair tickling boy writing that says "something dirty".


	4. Chapter 4

April turns into may. May blossoms into June. And June rains into July. It's fourth of July eve, and Edward and Alice are arguing about what movie to put on. My legs are curled under my body, and I'm leaning against the oversized pillow that separates me from a very irritated Edward.

"Jesus, Alice," he grumbles. "Just put the fucking movie on already."

I've noticed he's been a little more irritated lately. Sometimes, when he comes home from practice, or with his friends, or wherever he was, he slams the front door, stomps up the steps, and slams his bedroom door.

"What's up with your brother?" I ask one random June night.

"Who the fuck knows," she tells me. Her mouth takes after her brother's lately. "He needs to get laid," Alice jokes. I scrunch my nose.

Edward has been putting much more distance between us since he dropped that note in my locker in April. Or maybe it was since he showed me his boner that weekend. Boner. A word I learned from Alice who told me it's when a guy gets super horny, another word, and then wants to fuck you with it. I laughed so hard. Her abruptness pulls giggles and tears out of me.

I glance at Edward for the first time in weeks and notice he's leaning away from me. I frown slightly and sit up, leaning away from him. Maybe he doesn't want to be so close to me. Maybe he doesn't like the way I straightened my hair today. Maybe I smell like all-day-in-the-sun girl sweat. The last thought makes me shoot up off the couch like it's on fire. Alice gives me a what the hell? look and I tell her I'm going to grab some snacks before the movie starts.

"Need any help?" Jasper asks, watching me. He and I have actually grown a little closer in mine and Edward's separation. When I'm here after school or sleeping over on the weekends, he is also here. The week before school let out, Alice told me she saw Jasper laying into Jessica Stanley at her locker. Somehow, I got brought up and Jessica called me a "boring, plane ass prude" and Jasper told her to never talk about me like that again. I smiled when she told me that. I don't have a brother, but if I did, I'd want him to be like Jasper.

"But then," Alice starts, "Edward leans over to Jess, and you should have seen her face, B. The stupid fucking smile plastered on it." My heart fluttered into my throat. "He leaned over and whispered something, I don't know what, but her smile fell faster than me in high heels. When he was done, she slammed her locker and walked away. It was awesome."

I thought for weeks about what he could have said.

I look from Edward to Jasper now. Edward has his head back, eyes closed, and his sock covered feet are wide apart. Jasper is already getting up. "If you want?" I suggest. Maybe he wants to get the heck out of here too. I wonder if I'm the only one who can feel the tension being let off by blue-green eyes and white cotton covered toes. Jasper nods and we head upstairs.

I'm pilfering the snack cabinets looking for ho-hos and chocolate chip cookies when Jasper clears his throat. "Listen," he starts. "I want to ask you something."

I stop searching and turn around. He's leaning back on the island, feet are crossed, and his eyes are downcast. Jasper is usually pretty confident. His permanent smirk is twisted into a frown.

"What's up?" I ask, genuinely curious.

"I, uh, I don't…" he trails off and rubs the smooth skin of his neck.

"What, Jas?"

"I think I really like Alice." He's looking at my feet and then my face. I'm smiling higher than I have in weeks. I wonder if he knows about Alice's infatuation with him.

"Look at him over there," she says one day after school. Edward and Jasper are shooting hoops in the driveway and we're sitting on the porch swing. "Look at his arms, and his hair. Look at his fucking smile, B." I push the swing with my purple boots and shake my head. She's dazed but not so confused. Jas is pretty cute for a pretty boy. He tries to block Edward's dunk, but my best friend's brother gives a fake jump and moves to the left, then the right before shooting it in. Alice gives a loud "whoop" and I watch as Edward ignores us. Butterflies in my belly fight to get free when he finally throws me a glance. I feel them free fall and scatter like their wings were plucked when it's a glare instead of smirk.

I watch Jasper now as he watches me. I want to tell him so badly that Alice counts his freckles on his face and scribbles his name on her palm before soaping it off. Being a best friend means not spilling the beans, though.

"Ok?" I ask.

"Ok?" he repeats.

"Well, you said you wanted to ask me something."

"Oh, well, I just wanted to know what you think I guess?"

"I think you're freaking crazy," I smile at him and laugh.

His smile widens and I can see the way his eyes gleam. "I know."

We smile together for a moment before Alice yells, "Where are you two, nerds? I'm starting the movie in 5, 4, 3…"

Jas grabs four cans of coke while I grab an armful of snacks. Before I head back down, I go back to the cupboard and find a box of cheez-its. I empty my arms on the ground next to Alice, grab a tasty cake, and take my spot back on the couch. Alice grabs a box of cookies, Jasper takes the ho-hos, and Edward smirks when he takes the box of cheez-its. He doesn't look at me, but I smile too.

It's twenty minutes in and Edward's face is illuminated blue from his phone. He swipes his finger back and forth. I'm not watching him, not really anyways. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as he taps the screen continuously before hiding his phone in his pocket. I clear my throat. His eyes are unfocused on the TV. Alice is hiding under blankets that Jasper keeps throwing on her. His eyes are on her.

When the fifth person in the movie gets brutally attacked and murdered, I excuse myself to the bathroom. I need a breather and, don't get me wrong, I love scary movies, but gory just isn't for me. Nobody really hears me and nobody really cares. Alice is still too into the movie, Jasper is still too into Alice, and Edward is… I don't even know. I walk past him on the couch to exit the room and he flicks a glance at me subtly and quickly. Indifference replaces the scowl and I don't know which one is worse.

Outside, silent lightening sparks in the sky. I open the sliding glass door in the kitchen as a quietly as I can and sit on the back-porch steps. Next door, at my house, the lights are off and I'm sure my parents are asleep by now. I smell the thickness of the air and count the seconds between light-bright strikes and rumbling in the sky. I'm on 7 seconds when I hear the door slide open. I don't turn around, but I know it's him. I hold my breath and wait for him to speak.

"You okay?" he asks.

I'm suddenly irritated by his presence and I don't know why. Maybe it's the fact that he turns 14 next week and I'm still 12. Maybe it's because secret whispers in Jessica's ear. Maybe it's because he wrote something dirty on a piece of paper and slipped it in my locker. Maybe it's because he ignored me for months. I pull my flat-iron straight hair into a high, tight, power-pony and look over my shoulder.

"Fine," I tell him. I lean forward on my knees and wrap my arms around my chest. I have lilac satin sleep shorts and one of Alice's old band tee's on. It's super oversized, so I knotted the side and I can feel the way it rides up my back when I lean over.

The glass door shuts and I think he's gone until I hear soft steps on dark wood behind me. He sits down beside me. I close my eyes. Six seconds pass between light and loud.

I can tell he wants to say something. I can hear the sound his mouth makes when it opens then closes, then opens then closes again. I can feel the air separate as he shakes his head.

"I don't know what the fuck to say," he starts, running his hand through his hair.

"There is nothing to say," I tell him.

"I can't ruin the friendship between you and Al," he says. I'm about to ask him to explain when he grabs my wrist and looks at me. "I've already ruined enough for my family, Bella. I pulled her from her friends. I forced my family to move here because of my stupid choices. She's never had a friendship like the one between you two. Whatever this is between us, I can't let it get in the way of that. You're too good and I'm not. You're bright and light and soft toes in the air and dark hair and strawberry cream and pink glossed lips and sugar sweet." He releases my wrist and leans closer to me. He's unloading three-month long thoughts.

"Boring, plane ass, prude?" I ask, looking at the hand pulling red-from-the-sun hair between his fingers.

The look on his face is you heard? before it turns to fucking Alice and then he puts his hand on my knee. His fingers are soft but summertime sweaty. "I told Jessica that if she ever talks about you again, I'll tell the whole school that she fucked Emmett McCarty and Riley Biers under the bleachers at the pep rally last fall. I told her not to ever say Isabella Swan or Alice Cullen again or I'll call her mom and tell her that her daughter had to buy Plan B."

My hand flies to my mouth and when the shock wears off, I fall into a fit of giggles. "Wait, she did all that?" Edward nods, moving his hand just a fraction higher. "H-how do you know?"

"Riley has a big fucking mouth," he says simply, his hand moves higher still. "You're so fucking soft, B," he whispers.

I don't want to forgive him so soon. I want to make it hard on him, but how can I when he threatened Jessica Stanley for me? How can I when he called me sugar sweet? How can I when he's sitting right next to me, baby blue-greens big and sorry? "You're good, too," I tell him.

"Hm?" He's looking at my knee.

"You said I'm too good and you're not. That's bull," I tell him. "You're loyal and kind. You're blue-green eyes full of courage. You're gentle knee touches. You're sly smiles when everyone's asleep. You're takes-care-of-best-friends-who-have-nothing. You're secret winks. You're perfect teeth and deep belly laughs. You're worrisome about your sister's best friend. You're basketball smelly and dirty pictures."

He smiles with his teeth and his cheeks are cotton-candy pink. He looks at me through deep, dark lashes. His fingers play at the hem of Alice's tee shirt. They slip barely inside and his fingertips trail against my skin. "My shirt looks good on you, Bella B," he whispers.

"This is Alice's," I tell him, watching the way he sucks on the center of his bottom lip.

"It's mine," he says softly. "She hates Pink Floyd." He's pointing at the front of the shirt where the band logo is worn away from too many washes.

I don't know what else to say, so I ask, "should I take it off?"

He chuckles and shakes his head. "If I say yes, do I get to see what you have on underneath?"

I roll my eyes. "No, I'll change in Alice's room!"

"Then no. I like you in my clothes," he whispers.

Before we head in, before rain paints our skin, I ask him the one question I've asked myself for three months: "Was the note a cruel joke?"

"No," he answers immediately.

"I told you to put it in your crush's locker."

"I did."

He's looking at me with bluer-than-ocean eyes.

"Jasper likes your sister." I tell my super-secret crush about his best friend's super-secret crush as we walk back inside.

"I know," he tells me like it's nothing, shutting the door and sliding the lock. I guess Jasper's super-secret isn't as secret as he thought.

"Did he tell you?"

"He doesn't have to. Have you seen the way he looks at her?"

What he says has me wondering. "Do you think we're as secret as we think?"

He shrugs. "Probably not, B," he answers quietly, ghosting his hand over my cheek and then to the main of my pony. "This is pretty hot," he says, wrapping it around his fist and giving it a little tug. I punch him in the arm and walk away.

In the basement, Jasper is sitting next to Alice who is laying on her belly on the floor. "This movie is sick as shit. This guy had to saw his own head off to save his wife."

I grimace. "Gross."

We spend the rest of the night talking about blue toe nails, fourth of July sparklers, and fourteen-next-week birthday plans.

When we wake up the next morning, Edward and Jasper are gone. Alice says sometimes their mom drives Edward and Jasper bacl to his house to get some extra clothes. I nod in understanding and tell her I need to go shower and get ready for tonight.

"Okay, but be back by five o'clock sharp!" We're all going down to La Push to watch the fireworks show they set off every year. I agree and wave goodbye.

When I arrive home, mom wants to know what I've been up to. "Nothing really, mom. Alice and I made a fort out of blankets and watched RomComs all night." It was mostly a lie, but what she doesn't know won't kill her, right? I leave out the part where we slept next to two teenage boys.

"Whose shirt is that?" Mom asks, pointing at the shirt I forgot to return to Al.

"Oh, it's Alice's. I must have forgot to give it back."

"Hm," is all she says before kissing my cheek as she disappears into the basement.

I spend the afternoon reading on my bed and painting my fingernails Shooting Star rose gold sparkle. In the shower I make sure to scrub my hair and shave my legs. After I towel dry my hair, I slip on a cherry red sun dress and white flip flops. I want to grab the brand-new jellies mom bought me, but I know the sand will get stuck in them all night. My hair is humidity-made wavy. I'd normally curl little ringlets or straighten it when it looks like this, but I like the idea of summer-time waves on my head and the beach.

I glance out my window and notice that Mrs. Cullen's white sedan is parked next to her husbands blacked out SUV. From my window, I watch as Edward slips on grey Nike sneakers before walking down his front porch steps and pats his pocket for his phone.

I run down the steps and I'm about ready to run out the front door when dad stops me. "Where are you going, Bella?" I glance at his hand and notice a fresh beer. He must have the night off.

"We're going to watch fireworks in La Push, remember?" I'm not sure if I told him, but asking this has him questioning. "I told mom a few days ago. You guys said I could go."

Dad opens the beer and kisses my head. "Be careful."

It's 4:30 when I make it next door. Edward isn't outside anymore, but it's fine because I still need to get ready. I run up the steps to Alice's room and when I burst in she whistles and blows me a kiss. She's pulling red shorty-shorts over white boy short undies and pulls on one of my white tanks over her black bra. Her hair is getting longer, I notice, and she has it pulled up in a super messy bun with a neon green scrunchie. Her face is round and her lips are so super glossed I can almost see myself in them. She has on blue eyeliner that curves up at the edge of her eyes. I smile. She's so pretty it hurts.

"Here, Baby B," she says, tossing me her mascara. Alice just gets me.

I swipe and swipe until my lashes are darkest black and point up like Edward's boner I think, giggling to myself. I swipe light glitter on my eyelids and put less gloss on my lips than Al's. We take some silly pictures with her phone before we grab hands and run downstairs.

"Where's the fire?" Mr. Cullen asks. I giggle because Mr. Cullen is cute and funny and always ruffles my hair. He winks like his son and kisses his wife with pure, selfless, eternal love.

"Ew," Alice protests, taking my hand and running out the door.

Edward and Jasper are already in the SUV with Edward's other friend Emmett. Emmett's been over a few times this summer and he is the most raunchy, hilarious, beefcake 14-year-old I've ever met. I say hello before heading to the way back. Alice grumbles something about the boys sitting back there, but Emmett is so big he'd take up two seats himself back there so Jas and Emmett sit in the two seats that make up the middle row, and me, Al, and Edward find ourselves in the way, way back. We're squished, but it's ok. I'm in the middle, and I can smell cologne to my right and summertime coconut to my left.

"Wow, Bella," Emmett says, wiggling his eyebrows.

"What?" I ask.

"Lookin' good." Emmett winks at me.

I blush the color of my sundress and look down. Edward chuckles before reaching over to buckle me in. Jasper grabs Alice's phone from her hands and she leans forward, fighting for it back when Edward taps my knee. I glance at him.

"I like your hair, B," he whispers. I smile. "I like your knees, too." I smile higher. "I like your glossy lips and blue toenails." He pulls out his phone and plugs in his headphones. "I like the scar on your shoulder and the beauty mark under your eye." He hands me one of the earbuds to put in. "I like your long fucking eyelashes and the way your tits look in this dress."

Before I can reply or react or blush so hard my cheeks might bleed, Mr. Cullen asks, "we ready?" as he opens the door for his wife.

Alice gets her phone back. Edward turns on slow, steady beats. I look down at my breasts. They've gotten much, much bigger since I got my period at the end of April, but they're definitely not as big as some of the girls' at school. Yet. Edward cocks his head as I check myself out and when I glance at him, he's also staring at my chest. I shove him and giggle. He chuckles back and changes the song to something faster.

When we arrive at the beach, the boys hop out and disappear. Alice and I tell her parents we'll meet them back at the car by 11:30.

"Have fun, babies," Mrs. Cullen says, kissing our heads. Mr. Cullen hands us each a $20 to spend on food or games or whatever. Life is easy with the Cullen's. There's not second glances or worrisome kisses or "be carefuls". There's love and trust and soft mom smiles and cool dad handshakes.

There are so many people here and I feel like I could get lost, but not in a bad way. I see some friends from school including Rose, Angela, Ben, and James. Ang and Ben are kinda-sorta a thing and James is Ben's best friend, so where Ben is, James is. He seems nice enough, I guess. I don't really know him. He looks at me a lot. He has shoulder length blonde hair pulled into a bun and his eyes are darker-than-mud brown.

We spend the early part of the evening goofing around with our friends. We splash in the water and yell and scream when waves try to push us over. The bottom of my dress gets wet, so I pull it up a little higher. When I notice James looking at my knees, I drop it. I ask Alice if she wants to go find some food. She rubs her stomach and we take off.

It's eight o'clock already and Al and I are sitting at a picnic table eating corn dogs, fries, and sipping on diet cokes. Behind us, Edward and Jasper pull on our hair before they sit across from us and steal our fries.

"Hey, fuckers," Alice yells, "get your own!"

I giggle too loud and Edward smiles at me. I watch as his lips tug up and his eyes glisten with happiness. I smile back. Beneath the picnic table, Edward kicks my feet so they rest atop his. His eyes are superglued to my face and I want to tell him if he doesn't stop, someone will notice.

"I see red and white, but where's the blue?" He asks, taking a sip of my coke. I blush involuntarily and look down. I may as well have an X marks the spot printed under my belly button on my red sundress. A slow smirk places on his lips. "You saw my blue, B, can I see yours?" Number 17 and tight royal-blue boxers flashes in my head just as Alice throws a fry at Jasper for stealing her coke. Thankful for the diversion, I take a big bite of my corn dog and look away.

The sun is setting behind me, and when Edward eventually glances back over at me, he has to squint. He pulls Ray Bans from his pocket and tells me and Al to get together. He snaps our picture before I suggest we take a group one. The boys crouch behind us at an awkward angle. Edward's chin rests on my head and Jasper's on Alice's. Edward's arm isn't long enough and he can't take the picture from this angle. He tells us he can only get me and him in.

Mrs. Cullen walks over and takes the phone from her son. She instructs us to "stand up, walk backwards, keep going, ok now to the right, girls in the middle, boys on the end, wait, no Jasper a little closer to Alice, Bella put your leg out, yep just like that, Alice don't make that face, Edward you're a little too close, honey—"

"Mom just take the damn picture already," he laughs.

"Ok, say cheese!" she calls.

I ask to see the picture after she snaps a bunch.

Edward flips through and as I stand next to him, I tell him quietly, "don't show her number 17."

He chuckles deeply and shakes his head. "Number 17 is just for you, baby B."

He flips through until he finds the best one and sets it as his background on his phone. Golden orange painted with cotton candy clouds frame the background of four teenagers with smiles as big as the piece of pizza Emmett comes back with. He lifts it up and sticks half of it down his throat. He bites it off and chew, chew, chews. Al and I look at each other and fall over laughing. People walk around us with unapproving eyes. Emmett asks, "what?" around a mouthful of sauce and pepperoni. This sets us off more and when I open my eyes, Edward has his phone out and is snap, snap, snapping away. I kick his feet out from under him and he joins the spot next to me, laughing so hard his eyelashes are wet.

Fireworks start at 9:30, and the five of us find an empty log on the beach. It's pretty small due to Emmett, so we are all squeezed together. Alice and I are in the middle, holding hands, saying, "ohhh" and "wooow" after every screech and pop in the sky. My free hand is trapped under my thigh on the log. I feel french fry stealing fingers grip my wrist and peel my hand out. I glance over at Edward and he's watching the way green burns to white and red explodes into sparkle in the sky. Watching fireworks through Edward's blue-greens is more beautiful than watching them in the ink dark sky. Edward keeps his attention to the sky and I keep mine on him as I feel his fingers find mine. Warmth spreads across my chest and my heart butterflies into my throat and then my belly and then my toes. I tingle everywhere. Goosebumps cover my entire body and I shiver. Edward glances at me and smiles. I never, ever want this feeling to end.

"Cold?" he whispers in my ear. I nod and then he drops my hand to peel off his blue flannel and throws it around my shoulders. It smells like cinnamon and soap and hot boy heat and number 17 pictures. I put my arms through it and he seeks out my hand, placing it between us on the log. His thumb rubs gentle lines on the back of my hand and I can feel fireworks explode in my veins. We watch the remainder of the show until the finale.

Afterwards, Alice grabs the sparklers from the car and steals a lighter from her dad's friend. It's me and Al and Rose dancing around each other, writing our names with sparkles in the dark. I smile so high it hurts. I bump into Rose and she all but falls in Emmett's lap. Literally. I watch as she takes her time getting up and I smirk. What a couple they'd make. Edward and Jasper are on the side of us, talking quietly. I notice Edward's arms are crossed over his Beastie Boys shirt and they're both glancing at me and Al. Jasper smiles a big grin, rubs his chin, and nods his head. Edward catches my eyes before my sparkler fizzles out. It's black out, the only light comes from the bonfire down the beach. When I glance at Alice, I notice Jasper has her over his shoulder and spins her round and round. She laughs so hard I bet she's drooling as she pounds on his back.

"Put me down, you ass!" to which he responds, "never!"

I try to find Edward and when I do, I notice he's jogging toward me.

"No!" I yell, running the opposite direction. "No, no, no!" I screech. I'm not fast enough as he grabs my hips from behind and lifts me in the air. We're spinning and I feel like a red firework explosion melting into plaid cotton. He lifts me higher and spins so fast my dress picks up with the breeze. I feel cool air on places I shouldn't.

"Edward!" I giggle yell. "Edward, put me down, butthead!"

He chuckles as he slowly sets my toes in the sand. His hands are still on my hips and his lips are right at my ear. "I like your little blue undies, baby B." I bite my lip and hope for something else. I don't even know what else, but I'm not ready for his fingers to disappear or his lips to leave my ear.

All too suddenly, though, he pulls away as Jasper yells, "let's go!"

On the way home, I make Edward sit in the middle. I must have fallen asleep because when I wake up, he's unbuckling my seatbelt and telling me, "we're home, blue undie B," in my hair. I pick up my head from his shoulder and stretch with a little moan. Alice is passed out too, and he helps his sister wake up as Emmett offers me his hand to help me out of car. I mumble a thanks and Al and I zombie walk, hand in hand, up to her bedroom before passing out with our clothes still on.


	5. Chapter 5

It's July seventh and Edward's birthday eve. At 7:30, my parents leave to have dinner with one of dad's coworkers. I'm running a bubble bath and pour in half a bottle of Serenity bubble bath watching as the bubbles pile higher and higher. Alice and I spent all day in the sun and I am July-heat tired. We spent the afternoon laying out in her backyard before walking to the corner store for Mountain Dew and Sour Patch Kids. Edward and Jasper were gone all day and I kinda-sorta definitely missed them. The house was quiet and I had one ear open listening for boy laughs and basketball bounces. When I run the bath water, the home phone rings. I figure it's mom and dad checking in.

"Hello?" I ask, sort of irritated. They just left and are checking in already?

"Hello," says my super-secret, blue-flannel-sharing, cutest-boy crush.

"Hi," I smile into the phone.

"Hi, baby B," he yawns. "I missed you today."

We talk about nothing in particular while I relax sensitive skin in hot water. He tells me Jasper got in a really bad fight with his dad, so they spent the day with Emmett. He said he thought about me all day and wished he could have spied on me from the back porch while I was belly down, tanning my backside. I threw him a giggle.

"You're coming over tomorrow, right?" he asks.

"Why, what's tomorrow?" I joke.

He deadpans. "It's my birthday, Bella."

He relaxes after I giggle. "I know it is, E. I got you something."

"What is it?" he asks playfully.

"I guess you'll find out tomorrow."

"Is it something I should open in front of my parents?" his voice is lower.

I really laugh now. "Of course," I tell him. "What would I give you that you couldn'topen in front of them?"

"I don't know," he starts, "maybe those little blue panties?"

My breath kind of catches in my throat. He's never said that word when referring to my undies and it sounds so incredibly sexy. It's his turn to laugh now. "Oh you jerk!" I raise my voice, splashing my hand in the water. I tell him I'll see him tomorrow and we hang up. When my parents come home, it's after ten and I kiss their cheeks goodnight. Mom is one and a half glasses of wine drunk and dad is hugging her from behind. They disappear in the basement. Ew.

In my room, I'm not all that tired, so I turn my radio on low and fidget with the controls before I find something I like. I organize my desk, collect laundry, read a few pages for Summer Readin, and pick out my outfit for tomorrow. I settle on high waisted shorty-shorts and a white and blue floral flowy crop top with a stretchy neck and arms. I'll have to make sure dad is gone before I come downstairs or he'll never let me out of the house. I flip my light switch before walking over to open my window. Something outside catches my eye.

The back wall of my bedroom has three big windows that look out into our backyard and the woods behind the house. I can even see the Cullen's backyard which is pretty cool. I watch a dark figure hang out at the very edge of their yard walking slowly between the tree line and manicured grass. know it's him immediately when I watch one hand tug at his hair. His other brings a cigarette to his lips. He's smoking? I think to myself. I'm squinting more but it's hard to get a good look in the dark. I watch as he brings the cigarette to his lips between his thumb and pointer finger. He inhales super-duper long and I watch the cherry red end burn as bright as summertime sun.

The next day at the Cullen's, Edward sits around the dining room table opening gifts from his family, me, and Jas before his friends come over.

His parents got him a laptop.

"Keep the pornography to your phone though, son," his dad says seriously. "Last thing we need is a virus on the computer."

"Carlisle!" Mrs. Cullen slaps her husband's arm.

"What?" he asks, genuinely confused. "He's a fourteen your old boy, honey!" He's chuckling now as Mrs. C shakes her head. "It's normal to have questions about sexuality. Don't be embarrassed," he says, looking at the boys.

My cheeks are warm, Jasper is frozen, and Alice is howling.

"You too, Alice." Mr. C is pointing his attention to his daughter who is laughing harder.

Edward shakes his head as he dismissively says, "alright, dad, I'll try to remember that." When Alice composes herself, she slides him her gift and he unwraps a new basketball.

"You know, since I ruined your last one." She's laughing but I think she's still a little embarrassed from the incident. Two days ago, when we were getting ready to play—well when those three were getting ready to play and I was getting ready to sit on the grass next to their driveway and eat cookies—Alice tried to do a trick and sat on the ball. And then it popped. And then she cried.

Edward was smiling, trying to make her feel better. "It was my oldest basketball, Al. I bet I would have popped when we started playing."

She grabbed what little baby fat is stuck to her bell and yelled, "That's it! I'm going on a diet!" I'm giggling as I grab a cookie off the plate in front of me and munch it up.

"Good luck with that," I yell over crumbs.

Alice is so far from fat. Her hips are narrow, her butt is bubbly, and her arms are strong. I think for a moment that maybe I should be the one to stop with the sweets as I look down. My thighs are becoming softer, my belly has slimmed, sort of, and my waist is much more defined. I have curvier hips with less of a backside and more of a chest. My breasts are larger than hers but my arms aren't as strong. I pinch the little rolls of baby fat and shrug. Nah, I think, cookies are way too good to give up. Edward walks over, picks up a cookie, eats half, winks at me and offers me the rest which I obviously take. Jasper tells Alice he thinks she's pretty. They both blush before Alice grabs the new ball that Jasper got from the garage and yells, "let's play, assholes!"

Jasper gives Edward a new pair of Ray Bans and I think we all look confused. His mom puts a gentle hand on his arm and explains, "Jasper said you broke yours the other day and wanted to get you a new pair. We may have paid for them, but these were his idea."

"I've also been paying them back by cleaning out your garage and stuff," he defends. Mrs. C nods.

Edward looks genuinely happy as he gives jasper a head nod and a small "thanks, bro" and I don't know if he means bro as a friend or bro as in brother because that's what it feels like now.

When he opens my gift, the group picture his mom took of all of us just a few days ago set inside a royal blue frame, he glances at me through so long lashes and smirks. "I love blue." He's smiling and I'm smiling and we're both giggling and we're the only ones on the inside of this joke and I feel high.

"Blue's pretty cool," Alice says, glancing at the picture of us that she helped me print.

Edward stands and does that weird handshake hug thing boys do with Jasper and his dad. He hugs his mom and kisses her cheek. He whispers something in her ear and she playfully slaps his side. He pulls Al into a hug, kisses her cheek, and whispers something into her ear, too. She hugs him back, nods, and smiles gently. "I mean it," he says to her before walking over to me. My heart races and I can't feel my toes. He hugs me, puts the softest kiss on my so-high-from smiling cheek, and I'm flying. He bends down to whisper "you're so fucking pretty it makes my fingernails hurt." I pull back and smile. I can feel my cheeks burn brighter than that cherry red cigarette last night, and now I want to ask him but it'll have to be later.

When his friends show up, they disappear into the basement and Al and I retreat to her room.

"Can you braid my hair?" she asks, sitting in front of her mirror.

I nod and begin doing the most perfect French braid I've ever been able to create. Her hair is so super shiny and thick. "I bought blue hair dye on Amazon, B, let's fucking do it!"

I agree and two hours later I'm telling her not to look as I blow her hair dry and throw some quick curls in the ends even though she tells me not to.

"Holy. Shit," Alice whispers, touching her soft, Lagoon Blue locks. "'Let's show the boys!" she yells, jumping up and running down the steps. By boys I know she means boy. And by boy I know she means Jasper.

Down in the basement, some boys are playing pool, some are watching the Mariner's game on the couch, and some are lounging on the floor on their phones. Our boys are some of the ones on couch. Jasper sees Alice and his jaw drops. Emmett whistles. Riley points and laughs but stops when Jasper shoots him a look. Edward hides a smile and shakes his head. When he sees me, he tells Riley and Emmett to fuck off onto the floor so me and Al can sit down. Al takes the spot next to Jas and I'm slouch-dipped from boy weight right into Edward's side. His arm twists around the couch and I'm leaning further into his side as his arm falls behind my back. By now he's whispering a gentle "hi pretty" in my ear.

"Hi, birthday boy," I smile, looking at the scar above his knee. The same scar I saw on that dirty picture he showed me months ago. I trace scar tissue with my pinky. "What's this from?" I ask. Cheers and laughs and friendly teases fill the room leaving it hard to hear.

"An old life." He shrugs, covering his hand with mine and moving it farther up his thigh onto his khaki shorts before removing his hand. I want to tell him he's only fourteen. I want to tell him he's not as old as he acts. I want to tell him to tell me.

"I saw you last night," I start. He doesn't answer so I continue. "When did you start smoking cigarettes?" He's still not answering and he starts talking to Riley on the floor about something that happened yesterday.

"Edward?" I ask, tapping his leg with drumming fingers.

He talks more animatedly with his friend on the floor and when he removes the arm from behind me and leans forward to chat with his boys, I feel my heart fall to my guts and my fingertips vibrate. I look around and notice Jasper whispering to Alice. Two boys behind me playing pool. Three boys sitting next to the couch drinking a coke. Emmett, Edward, and Riley talking about the coming school year.

After a few minutes, I'm bored and move away from Edward but he grabs my hand and pulls me back down. "Where are you going, Bella?" His friends are watching.

I'm not even sure what to say. Wasn't he just ignoring me a few minutes ago? "Bathroom," I tell him curtly.

He nods and tells me so secretly, "second floor and don't lock the door."

I furrow my brows but just as quickly, he's back to talking to his friends about what a "fucking bitch" Jessica Stanley. I know he says it for my benefit. A small smile plays at my lips. I tell Alice I'll be right back as Jas wraps a finger around one of her curls. I'm glad I didn't listen to her when she said, "it doesn't need to be curled, B."

On the second floor, I go into the bathroom across from Edward's room. He has one in his room, so he doesn't need to come in this one. It pretty much belongs to me and Alice. I'm swiping blush on my cheeks when he comes in. I catch his eyes in the mirror. Edward quietly shuts the door and the lock clicks like a bomb. His smile is sly and my breasts tighten at the tips. Edward walks up behind me and rests his fists on either side of my hips on the counter. He's inches taller than I am, but right now his head is hung low as his nose traces my hair on the back of my neck. My breasts tighten so tightly it hurts. He lifts his head when I gently squeeze my thighs together. There's space between our bodies but I wish there wasn't.

"I love your hair, B. I hope you never cut it." He's tugging a few strands between long fingers now. "I love your little hips," he whispers, scooting closer, lifting my shirt, and tickling my skin. "I love your pretty fucking lips and the way you bite them. I love your cute little knees with wrinkles and freckles. I love that your nipples are so hard right now." His head is lifted and I can see him staring at my breasts in the mirror until his eyelids force his gaze to my neck. His fingers dance their way down my neck and tug the stretchy neckline of my top down off my shoulder. I watch in the mirror as Edward puts his lips over the tiny scar on my shoulder. I close my eyes as he kisses his way up my neck right to my ear and whispers, "And I love the way your voice sounds on the phone when you're wrapped in bubbles and strawberry cream secrets." His lips are gone and the tips of calloused play-all-summer fingers rain up and down my summer-time golden arms. He smiles at me in the mirror and I watch his eyes glass like marbles with lust and life and fourteen-year-old who's crushing-on-baby-sister's-best-friend.

"It's so easy with you, Bella. It's so easy to forget how young we are when I'm with you. It's so easy to forget that I was a totally different fucking person this time last year. It's so easy to stay in the basement and watch scary movies and eat cookies all night."

He disengages from me and sits on the edge of the tub with elbows on knees and fingers pulling hair. I walk over to him and place his head on my belly and run my own fingers through his hair. He groans.

"It wasn't a cigarette, Bella."

"What was it?"

"A joint."

I nod slowly even though he can't see. "Pot?"

He chuckles. "Yeah. Jas had such a bad day yesterday, B. The worst I've ever seen. His dad started pushing him around and by the time I could get him to Em's, he was losing it. His fists were so tense they were paper white. I had never seen him like that. I didn't know what to do." I wanted to ask why he didn't call his mom, but maybe I'm just being a baby. Maybe when you're fourteen you don't call your mom for everything anymore. "Em suggested we smoke weed from his brother's stash to take the edge off and, Bella, I was so fucking relieved. For months I've been on edge. School, the team, Jas, everything has just been nagging and scratching and I just needed it. I needed to forget and just chill the fuck out. The second I swallowed smoke, I relaxed. Jas was opening up and talking about shit he's never even told me, B. He told us about how his dad hits his mom and how his mom gets so fucked up sometimes she forgets he's her son. I bought some from Em's brother and smoked again last night."

I'm silent as my fingers grip his hair. "Is it bad, Edward? Should I be worried? Do your parents know?"

He shakes his head. "No, B, don't be worried. I'm good." He lifts his head and smiles at me. "I didn't mean to ignore you down there, pretty girl, but Jas and Em don't want anyone from the team knowing, especially fucking Riley."

"What's up with him?" I ask. I've heard his name a few times over the last couple of months and it's never associated with good things.

He shakes his head. "He's just a punk ass kid trying to get reactions and be cool and whatever. He's dumb."

I laugh. "Then why is here?"

He shrugs.

"Will you tell me if it becomes a problem?" I ask nervously.

He looks up with a smile, takes my hands and kisses the backs with open lips so that it feels like his lips are biting me. I smile and he winks. "I will, B."

Back downstairs, the boys put on Jackass: The Movie and when it gets to be too loud, Al and I decide to sit on the back porch with her parents. Jas watches Alice jump off the couch. Edward's eyes are on the TV but his arm is slung around me and when I get up, he lets his fingers lazily fall down my back and really linger on my backside.

Outside, it's just-after-dusk-dark and the twinkle lights wrapped around the porch are dim. Fireflies are blinking around the yard.

"Your hair," Mr. Cullen says, eyes wide as we sit down at the table.

"I know, it's pretty cool right?" Al says, shaking her new locks back and forth.

His eyes bug out and he looks like a caricature of himself. "Did you approve this?" he asks his wife.

She's nursing a glass wine. "Oh, relax, honey. I think it looks cute." Mrs. Cullen smiles at her daughter.

Edward thinks being with me is easy, but how can he not see that being here, with his parents and sister who love him so much they uprooted their whole lives to help him, is easiest? I feel loved and relaxed and trusted here with my best friend and her parents. They don't tell me to "be careful" when I run down the steps with Al to catch fireflies. They don't tell me "I'm trusting you, Bella," when I run into the forest without shoes. They don't tell me, "it's time for bed," when we come back after 11. Their family is bred with whole trust and complete love and undemanding communication and so much ease.

I take a shower, scrubbing my forest-floor-moss-green stained feet after we get back. I wash my hair and armpits and fingers and behind my knees with Al's coconut body wash. When I get out, I comb through long brown hair and dress in a pair of white cotton shorts that say "sweet dreams" on the back and a matching tank. I make my way down to the basement. The only boys left are Em and Jas. I'm relieved. Alice is sitting next to Jasper. Her legs are over his lap and he's rubbing her calves. Em's on the floor texting. I sit a little more away from Edward than before. Would it look weird that we were sitting so close with no reason to be?

"What were you doing up there for so long, baby B?" He has a Blow-pop in his mouth and I want to ask where he got it. He smirks, rolling it around his tongue.

"What do you want to watch, Birthday Boy?" I ask Edward, getting up to check the collection.

"You pick," he tells me. I shrug and look through the wall of movies. I love Steve Carell so I pop in The 40-year-old Virgin. This is a movie I could never watch at home. When Steve Carell compares holding a breast to a bag of sand, I'm losing it. Nobody laughs harder than I do. I fall into Edward's side and cry, cry, cry tears of absolute blissful humor. When I try to get back up, he leans down and tells me to stretch out my legs and lay next to him. No one seems to be paying us much attention at all, and even if they were, I really don't think I'd care. I grab a pillow and put it on his side before laying on it. I'm on my side and my head is in front of his heart. I can hear his heart whispering life to me. When I laugh, it speeds up. Edward hands me his half eaten Blow-pop and when I put it in my mouth I run my tongue over the same curves he was. I taste his spit and smile.

After the movie is over, Em and Al are the only ones sleeping. I yawn when Edward asks Jas if he wants to smoke. His eyes grow wide and he looks at me.

"It's cool, dude," he says. Jas nods and follows Edward out of the basement. I hear the back-porch door open so slowly. It's almost one in the morning and dark down here. Just as it shuts, I decide I don't want to be alone down here. I slip Alice's dirty flip flops on and walk to the edge of the yard. Humidity lays on the green grass that lick my toes as I walk quietly, nervously to my boy and his friend. What if he tells me to go back inside? What if he calls me baby B and means it? What if he asks me if I want to try it?

His back is to me and when I tap on it, he turns around. Ruby orange glows in the dark as Edward inhales. He passes it to Jasper who watches us. After a moment, Edward smiles and a cloud of thick fog passes through his lips.

"What's up, Bella?" He asks.

"Just… got bored down there."

He pulls his sleeve up and looks at watchless wrist. "It's been minutes."

I laugh and then shrug. Jasper steps a few feet away. I'm not sure if it's because he wants space or wants to give space. It's just me and Edward and he's standing there with tall legs and long arms and staring eyes. It's dark and smoky and Edward's eyelashes are so long and pretty and his lips are wet from just licked pink tongue swipes. He reaches over and tugs a lock of my hair to break me of the spell he cast with bad boys eyes and hair tugs and sly secret smiles and kissable lips.

"You're too cute, B," he laughs lazily. Jasper's back and hands him the half smoked, orange lit joint. He doesn't ask me anything at all but he smiles, puts the end between his lips, and squints. When his lungs are full, he slowly blows a tiny bit right in my face before keeping his eyes on me and turning his lips to the side to blow out the rest. Piney, skunky, grassy smoke swims around me. I cough and cough and clear the air around my face. Jasper laughs. Edward kind of stares at me, watching my next move. I think about maybe telling Jasper about the super-secret, sorta-kinda, definite crush we have, but I kinda-sorta think he already knows.

Edward breathes in again and when he lets the smoke out this time, he lifts his head, neck stretched so high I can see the tiny beauty mark under his chin. His eyes are lazy, his lips are dry, and his fingers hand the joint back to his friend to finish off.

"What's wrong, pretty?" he asks so super low I almost don't hear him over cricket chirps. "You're either high as hell or horny as shit, B, and I know you're definitely not high from the little bit I gave you, so it must be the second one." He's slowly closing the distance between us and I'm so super slowly walking backwards wearing a teasing smile. His bad-boy-confident smirk drops when he looks behind me.

"The fuck?" asks my best friend who rubs sleep-dopey eyes and walks out into the grass.


	6. Chapter 6

It's my birthday. Today I'm thirteen. I watch Alice as she helps me tear open my presents.

"I already know what it is," she says, "I went with our moms to pick it out when you were getting your phone with your dad."

My parents decided that for my Sweet Thirteen, what my mom's been calling it for a week, I would be able to get a phone.

"Now I can text you anything I want," Edward told me when we were alone the night before when I brought it over to show the Cullen's.

Inside the bag of too sheer and too much tissue paper is my very own tube of mascara and lightest-pink-it's-barely-even-there Revlon lipstick. Not gloss. Not chapstick. _Lipstick._ I smile higher than Edward and Jasper were the night Al caught them smoking.

She wasn't as mad as Edward thought she'd be. She was madder that no one woke her up so she could try it. She still hasn't tried it. Edward thinks she's scared because what happened with him. I think she just doesn't want to look high-as-a-kite, eyelid-saggy dumb in front of Jas.

"Mom!" I scream so loud I bet Mr. Cullen can hear me over his lawn mower next door. She looks at me and smiles as I tear into the packaging and run wax over my already glossed lips. The mascara Alice let's me use is way better than the one mom got me, but I don't even care because she's letting me wear it. I feel them loosen the belt they have tied around my waist by just a notch.

I know dad probably doesn't know or care, but I get up and hug him and I hug my mom and Al and Mrs. C and Rose and Ang and anyone else who happened to be near me. I'm straight sober but flying high in the sky right now.

After we cut cake, Al and I go sit outside with Rose and Ang. I'm eating forkfuls of cake when I hear, "Hey birthday girl," from across the lawn. Edward is shirtless, dripping stinky boy sweat, and his darker than space ray bans are shielding sun from pretty blue-greens. Jas is next to him wiping sweat from his upper lip with the edge of his shirt.

"Go away," Alice yells, "no boys allowed!" I giggle, but she's right. It was mom's rule and I'm not about to tighten the noose they just released me from.

"So, Emmett asked me out," Rose tells us later. Dad made us a fire in the stone fire pit in the middle of the yard. They almost never use it, and it took him awhile to get it started, but now the fire is so high and bright and hot that my shins are crying. I pull my chair back and drink the lemonade mom made.

"He did?" I ask curiously.

"I told him I'd think about it," Rose explains, looking at her fingernails. Cool. Confident. Devastatingly beautiful. Rose is a little older for our grade. She turns 14 this fall. Her hair is platinum dipped ice. Her eyes are blue wrapped in hazel, and her curves are so perfect I even saw Jas checking her out last week. Thank god Alice didn't. Edward hit him in the chest but I saw him glance for a second too before returning his eyes to me and winking.

"Do you like him?" I ask, stuffing my mouth with cinnamon flavored graham and sticky white mallows.

"Yeah, but I'm making him sweat it," she explains. "That's why my sister told me to do." A few minutes later Alice nudges her and says, "I bet he's got a big dick." Now we're all laughing and smiling and loving almost-over summer nights.

"I can't believe school starts in two weeks," I admit.

"Did you guys do the Summer Reading project?" Rose asks. "I just finished last week."

Alice's eyes widen. "Shit!" she exclaims. "I totally fucking forgot!"

We laugh again as she slaps her hand on her head and slides so far down in my lawn chair that it flips forward and spills her out. I laugh so hard I almost pee.

~!~

I'm cleaning up the party mess with my mom a while later. Alice says she's determined to finish the project that took me 4 weeks to complete by the end of the night tonight. I laugh and wish her luck as she hops the bushes that separate our homes. She must be serious because she didn't even say hi to the boys when they waved.

It's almost midnight and I'm in my bed with my new phone, lipstick and mascara still on. Mom and dad turned in hours ago and made me promise no phones after 10:30. I nodded, but won't they don't know won't kill them, right?

_Pretty, pretty birthday girl _Edward texts me just after midnight.

_Thanks, cute boy Cullen, but it's not my birthday anymore. You'll have to wait 364 more days. _I smile. I'm teasing him.

Two minutes later he calls me. "I like the way your voice sounds all sleepy tired," he explains then asks me what I did all day.

I tell him that I spent all day at my house watching him from a far and I've never been more bored in life. He laughs.

"I wish I could see your teeth right now," I tell him, rubbing small circles around my belly button.

He's quiet for a moment before he asks if I can sneak out of my house and meet him where our yards meet the forest. I agree. I'm throwing on jellies and an old sweatshirt because it is moon-shining-cold and my legs are already bare.

It takes me way too long to sneak out the back door. When I shut, I'm running as fast as I can. I'm out of breath and midnight-blind. Edward grabs my arm gently and pulls me with him. We sit on a fallen stump and he takes my hand in his, bringing it to his lips, and licks it.

"Ewww," I whisper-giggle and wipe it off on the back of his shirt. He puts his arm around me and pulls me in. Thirteen. I wonder what will change for us this year. Edward isn't pot high but we're flying so high it scares me.

"Feel different yet, birthday baby?"

I shake my head. "Should I?" I pick my head and look at him.

His palm grips my chin and his thumb brushes my lips before he shakes his head. "I got you something," he explains, sitting up slightly and pulling it out of his pocket. "It's not really anything but when I saw it, I knew you needed it."

He drops the thinnest, tiniest, daintiest bracelet in my hand. It's cold silver and the smallest little balls dangle from it. I ask him to put it on my wrist and he scratches is head. "The lady who sold it to me said it's actually a bracelet you wear on your ankle or some shit."

"Oh, it's anklet," I finish. I bend down and eventually clasp it shut in the dark. "How's it look?" I ask, holding my leg up.

"It looks like it'll be really nice in the daylight." He's laughing and I'm laughing and we're flying again. "I got you something else, I think."

"You think?"

"Uh, yeah, if you want it that is."

I nudge him in the dark. Of course I do I want to tell him but I settle for an "mhm". He instructs me to throw my legs over the log and straddle it. I do. He tells me to put my hands on his knees. I do. Keep them there he tells me. I do.

"Close your eyes," he whispers. I want to roll my eyes and tell him it's darker than blackest black mascara but I don't. My eyes are shut, my hands are on his knees, and I'm straddling a log.

I can feel Edward scoot closer and closer until his knees pin mine between his and the log. It hurts so good. One of his hands rests on my thighs and the other goes to my chin like earlier. I feel his thumb over my lips as he just barely separates Revlon-pink. In the next moment, his lips are above mine and his thumb slides my bottom lip down. Between my lips is his bottom and I freeze. He kisses me with swollen, sweet, mint flavored lips once, twice, two and half times before he pulls back. My lungs fill and release pine scented dampness.

Edward's nervousness makes his voice shake. "Was that… ok?"

My hands are still on his knees. "Yeah," I whisper. He laughs softly and kisses my forehead before we disengage and he holds my hand over bushes and when our fingers unlock to back into the warmth and safety of our homes, he tells me "I knew you'd your lips would fit so fucking perfectly on mine."

My stomach feels like butterflies exploding out of cocoons and Christmas-day-warm. I look at myself in the mirror when I get back to my room. I think back to when he asked me if I felt different. I didn't then but I do now. I feel his lips so gently sleep on mine. The weight of swollen, chapped-from-playing-ball-too-long-in-the-sun lips comforts me to sleep.

~!~

I'm thirteen it's thanksgiving and Dad had to work so Mrs. Cullen invites us over. I'm thirteen and my best friend's brother kissed me on the lips three months. I'm thirteen and my best friend kinda-sorta has a boyfriend. "It's nothing," she tells me. "Sometimes we kiss on the lips for like three seconds. That's all." I'm thirteen and the last time I was kissed was by my best friend's brother on my birthday three long, aching months ago.

Edward still grabs my hands under warm fleece blankets in the basement. Edward still smiles when I wear Revlon-pink lipstick. Edward still sends me texts like _wish you were here, _and_ I want to taste your sweet candy breath on my mouth, _and _come over so I can watch you curl your hair and stare at your knees. _Edward still lets me pick the movies when it's his turn. Edward still smokes with Jas when he needs to "chill the fuck out". Edward still tugs my hair and calls me Bella B. Edward still hates Jessica Stanley.

"She was rubbing his chest like a whore in front of everyone, Bella, and you know what he did?" Alice said the Saturday after Thanksgiving. We're in the basement lounging all over the couch while Edward stays at Em's and Jasper is at his mom's.

"What?" I ask, popping a piece of low-calorie popcorn into my mouth. I make a face. It tastes like cardboard and sog and forty-seven-day old bread, but I don't tell Al because she actually likes it.

"He looked at her, grabbed her wrist, leaned into her ear and by now she's smiling to the god's, B! The god's!" I'm on the edge of my seat. Literally. I'm leaning over to grab some real snacks. "He tells her that he'd rather be touched by Emmett's cum rag than her and then politely told her to fuck off. He made her cry, Bella. It was fucking glorious."

"Oh my god," I told her. "Your brother is something else," I admit, giggling loudly.

She eyes me. "Yeah, he is, isn't he?" She's still looking and I'm looking back and I don't want to be the first to blink because then she might suspect something because blinking first means your-brother-kissed-me-on-my-thirteenth-birthday-in-the-woods-behind-our-houses-where-we-go-with-them-while-they-smoke-sometimes. "Bella—" she starts and my heart races faster than my feet when I had to run the mile in gym class last week but then her cell phone ringing cuts her off and I'm so super thankful for whomever is on the phone.

"Jas?" she says. Brows knit together in worry and care and selflessness as she sits up straighter. "Wait, what? Calm down, I can't understand you." Silence. "WHAT!" the sheer resonance of her voice causes the follicles on my head to vibrate and tingle. Her eyes slowly find mine and I'm saying _TELL ME_ but I know the person on the other end needs her more.

"Where's Edward?" she asks. "What?" Alice is confused now. I wish she'd just put the phone on speaker already! Alice crumbles. She sits up and I know it's not good. She sits up and I do too. We run to put shoes on and wake parents and zoom off. There was a domestic disturbance at the Hale's house. His dad was choking his mom and he tried to intervene. Mr. Hale punched and punched and punched until Jasper's nose was blood wet and numb. He calls the only family member he has: Edward.

Edward being Edward runs the 2 miles from Emmett's house to Jasper's and knocks his dad out with a dining room table chair. No police were called on the insistence of Jasper's mom. I'm in the car and I'm crying because my boy saved him. I'm crying because Jasper is too good to deserve this. I'm crying because he's only fourteen and has seen more trauma in his life than some people feel in their entire lifetime.

On the way home the boys sit in the way, way back and me and Alice are superglued to each other in the middle. My arm is around and she wipes the tears that sky dive from my eyes. I have a basketball in my throat dying for a slam dunk. I need to cry so hard my head aches but everyone is so silent it hurts my ears. I want basketball dribbles, and one earbud in my ear, and phone stealing, and "shut up, Edward" and "I like your pretty little knees, Bella B".

We're almost home when Mr. Cullen tells Jasper he's going to fix up the third floor and he will stay there for now. In the rearview I watch as Mr. C's blue-green eyes find Jasper's. "This is your home," he says with a thick voice and a big swallow. "This is safe."

Al and I are in the basement, spooning on the couch. Her tears are so silent I only know they're there from the salt that spills on my arm. I hug her tighter and harder and try to love her pieces back together. Mr. Cullen is applying pressure and stopping Jasper's nose bleed. Minutes later the boys descend the stairs and fall onto the couch. The silence is earsplitting. I sit up and scoot over to Jasper. I don't know what he needs, but I throw myself at him. My arms are squeezing his neck and he gives me a so fake laugh he doesn't even try for another one. He's tapping my arm. "C'mon, B," he jokes.

I squeeze him tighter and tighter until I feel his arms loosely around me. I squeeze him and throw my legs over him. I want to cover him in such soft love. I want to tear open his chest and run my fingers over the fourteen and a half year old cracks in his heart caused by let down and anxiety and cleaning up his mother's puke and abuse from his father and broken homes and broken walls and broken bones and growing up much sooner than he should have.

I squeeze him and squeeze him and squeeze him until he's crying tears of anger and relief and sadness and hopelessness into my shoulder. Alice jumps up and hugs him from the side. Her arm is around me and him, and Alice and I work to rebuild. Alice kisses his warm cheeks and his cold tears and his dirty hair. Edward slumps next to me. I have my head on Jasper's shoulder. Edward's eyes are scared-for-his-best-brother blue and when I pick my head up, Edward throws his arms around me and Jasper and then weeps into my neck. Eventually, somehow, we move to the floor, tangled in limbs and love, and trust. We fall asleep.

The next morning I'm the first to rise. I step on the first stair and freeze.

"What are we going to do?" Mrs. Cullen asks. I hear her coffee mug _dink_ on the counter.

Mr. Cullen sighs. Newspaper rustles. "I'm a mandated reported, honey, I need to report the child abuse."

"What'll happen?" she asks quietly.

I listen as he explains things I know nothing about. CYS, and foster care, and next of kin are all foreign to me. I almost pull my phone out and write them down to Google later.

She gasps and I can hear soft cries weep from her chest. "What will happen to him?" she asks.

"Nothing, Esme, because we're going to fill out these papers to apply for foster care. He's going to stay here."


	7. chapter 7

In the weeks following heartbreak and too many tears, Jasper is assigned a case worker, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen are approved as foster parents, and neither of his parents attempt to contact him. He doesn't seem too upset by the latter, but I think Jasper's super-secret keeping skills are much better than we think they are.

One night a few weeks back, Alice is in the shower and I'm waiting for her in the basement with Edward. His arm slacks around the back of the couch and the pad of his fingers brush gently on my shoulder. He's pulling me in and my head down to his chest and kissing my hair crazy. I'm giggling "stop" but he hears "touch me" and "kiss me" and "hold me" and maybe that's what I do say. Jasper clears his throat behind us. Edward throws him a glance and a nod and when I look at him with rosy, firecracker-warm cheeks, I watch him smirk.

"He knows," I whisper when he leaves.

"He doesn't," Edward says, sitting up and facing me.

"Did you not just see his face? He was _smiling_, Edward!"

And then he leans down and puts his lips on my chin and kisses lightly along my jaw and my ear. "You taste like buttermilk pancakes and sticky syrup, sugar baby," he smiles before licking the corner of my mouth.

"Hey," I joke, "I was saving that for later."

It's the end of May now. Warblers sing on treetops, numbers 17 and 24 play basketball outside again, and Alice is fourteen and one month old. Her and Jas still aren't officially official, but in the basement, when they think no one is watching, Jas cups her cheeks and presses his forehead to hers. I watch as they speak to each other through no words at all and kiss the air around each other's eyes with shallow sighs and light each other's worlds with stolen hand grabs and playful shoves. They don't have to be a secret, but they are, and that's the way my best friend likes it.

Two or three nights a week, Jas and Edward will disappear to the back of the yard, one foot in the forest, and smoke. I don't really mind all that much. Sometimes when's Al's awake, we sit on the back porch steps, her head on my shoulder, my hand in her lap, and we watch orange fire burn brighter than blue-green eyes. And sometimes when Al is asleep, I creep outside and stand tippy-toed tall behind Jas, cover his eyes with giggle-shaky palms, and say, "guess who?." Sometimes he says "Queen Elizabeth?" or "Lana Del Rey?" or "Kurt Cobain?" or "Robert Plant?". I look forward to his crazy-wild guesses through joint-holding-lips with two hands in his pockets. When I tell him no, he pulls me around and tickles my arms until I'm saying "mercy!" and then he pulls me into his chest and smile-scrunches his nose. Edward stands back and watches. He usually has one hand searching for the titanic in his pocket and the other in his hair or holding the joint or rubbing his neck. Too long and not-yet-red-from-the-sun hair falls in his eyes. I have to ball my fists to stop from grabbing it. Fingernails tattoo crescent moons in fleshy palms. Edward looks so incredibly delicious I could drag him into the forest and devour his heart and soul and says-just-the-right-things mouth.

When I play the "guess who" game with Edward, he calls me things like "warm" or "home" or "pretty fucking knees" or "_something dirty_" or "number 17". He doesn't take me in his arms like Jas does and I can feel his resistance evertime. I feel the boulders that strong palms and fingers create from the itch to touch and touch and dance-whisper on skin. When I drop my hands and walk around his body, I let them skydive down to his hips and walk across his lower back. His shivers won't pass as chills now that spring has midnighted into almost-summer evenings.

Edward once asked me if I mind when he smokes. I thought about it for a while as he and Jas talked about the game the next day. I texted him when we were back in the comfort of the basement. I told him I don't really mind because when he comes back all chill and easy and sky high, he sits next to me and holds my hand under the blanket or calls me _pretty baby_ or whispers his fingers across the soft skin of his favorite, belongs to only him, knee.

_I want to kiss that fucking knee so badly_ he texts me, breaking me from not-so-long-ago memories, right in the middle of a movie not all of us are engrossed in. Jasper's eyes are super glued to Alice who's laying on the floor eating 100 calorie popcorn bags. She's on her seventh.

"It doesn't work if you eat them all," Edward jokes.

"Fuck off," she tells him going for her eighth.

_I want to bend over and lick your whole knee cap, B. Think I could fit it in my mouth?_

I'm swallowing laughter and love and warm hearts and soft hands. _Wanna try? _I tease. He doesn't respond. When the movie is almost over, his phone is back in his hands.

_You're almost fourteen too, B._

I smile. _You'll be fifteen by then._

He turns to me and winks. Sometimes it feels like I'm always playing catch up with him. Sometimes it feels like he likes it that way. Sometimes it feels like he wants me to be one step behind him always. In a way, I'm glad. I think he means well. I think he means to keep me innocent and pure and _sugar baby _and _baby B _and_ pretty girl _always. I think he means to keep me young. But then he does things like text me at midnight and invite me to sit on soppy logs with slippery bark and bugs and laughter and hands on my ankles and fingers in my hair and words in my ear telling me your-ankles-are-cashmere-smooth and look-at-the-goosebumps-on-your-soul-Bella-B and you-are-mine and he makes me want to be older. He makes _me_ want to kiss _him_ because he still hasn't kissed me again. It's been too many long, lonely, dry months of sweet lips but not on mine.

Imagine someone bakes you your most favorite cookie. From scratch. They measure ingredients, sing while they mix dry into wet, and helicopter around the stove as not to burn them. When they're fresh out of the oven, still ooey-gooey-chewy and so brown-sugar-sweet it makes your cavities scream in passion. That's what kissing Edward is like. _Was_ like.

When I ask him why he won't give me warm cookies anymore, Edward tells me, "because when I start, I'm not stopping." His words are light but there's so much depth to them. _When._

"So don't stop," I whisper. I'm only thirteen, but I know where it tingles and why it tingles and I know how to stop it, thanks to Al.

"You know," she explains, cutting the ends of her hair with kitchen scissors, "flick the bean, jill off, paddle the pink canoe, girl's night in, ménage àmoi!" Alice carries on. She's not trying to get a rise out of me on purpose. I freeze before peeling over and dying of stomach-ache laughter and best-friend silliness. She's laughing because I'm laughing and then I'm laughing because she's laughing and this is what it's like to have a soul sister lying next to me, grabbing my shin and slapping the floor because of cant-catch-her-breath happiness. I want to ask her where she even learns this stuff, but I don't, because I want to learn from her brother.

Instead, I ask her, "can we always be this close?" and she's sings "forever and ever".

Back in the basement, midnight sun shines through small windows and spotlight Alice and Jasper sleeping on the floor. Edward and I lay on the couch in a line and our heads meet in the middle. Mine rests on the same pillow as his and when I turn my face to look at him our noses touch. I can feel hot breath come in uncontrolled sighs.

_So don't stop_ plays over in my head. I said it, and I'm not taking it back.

"You don't know what the fuck you're asking for," he whispers.

"I do, Edward. All of my friends have had their first kiss and _then some_," I emphasize. At lunch last week, Rose told us Emmett went down on her with his fingers. My cheeks burned and hurt from embarrassed smiles. She told me it hurt and was weird but she's going to do it again, "you know, for research purposes." I glance at the table Em, Jas, and Edward usually occupy. They must be having the same conversation because Em looks excited, Jasper looks concerned, and Edward looks at me. He's watching the way my eyelids flutter. He's looking at my burning cheeks under fluorescents. He's watching my thighs squeeze together as Rose tells us "I didn't, _you know_, but it still felt pretty good." And if Emmett can make Rose feel pretty good, I can only imagine what Edward can do to me.

"If I kiss you, Bella… if I start fucking kissing you, I won't be able to stop _there_." I feel his hand in my hair and he grabs it too close to my scalp and the pressure it creates sends prickles to the end of my breasts. Soft mewls bubble in my throat and before I can swallow them down, they're in Edward's ear and he's pulling me up and out of the basement so fast I thought he was going to wake up our sleeping friends.

Edward's hand is hot on mine. It scorches down into my soul, down into my toes, down into my eyelids. He's pulling me through the house just after midnight and when we reach his room, he opens, shuts, and locks his door. Nervousness tickles my throat and my belly button and the freckles on my back. His room is large and open and smells like cinnamon, number 17 basketball jerseys, and secrets. I go to sit on his couch as his fingers find my hips. I can see shadows and the way his eyes are closed through moonlight peeping in through windows. His nose skims my neck and his tongue slips up my shoulder. Another mewl.

"Bella, you gotta stop that," he tells me like he doesn't in fact want me to stop. He tells me like he wants me to _never _stop. I bite my lip and it's a good thing because the next thing I know, I'm being tossed on his bed. I shimmy my hips and scoot up.

"You're on my bed," he whispers and shakes his head. "What the fuck am I doing," is probably only meant for him to hear.

_You put me here_ I want to tell him, but I bite my tongue and then say something crazier, "tell me."

"Tell you what, B?"

I stretch my arms up to his neck as he crawls above me. One knee plants roots between my thighs and I wish I was wearing too-thin-and-flimsy sleep shorts.

"Everything," I moan when he places featherlight kisses on my clavicle and then my sternum.

He chuckles roughly. "I want to do that with you," he groans. "What Em did to your friend. You should have seen yourself in the cafeteria. Your cheeks were pinker than your favorite starburst and your eyes horny-high. I watched you open and close your pretty little legs to get some kind of feeling." He bites my bicep. "Did you, B? Did you get relief? Did it feel like flying?" I shook my head. When I pressed them closed, my belly tightened and I swallowed hard over and over and over.

"Only a little," I whisper but I don't even think he can hear me over the sound of soft love on my hands and arms, and inner elbows and when he bites the pad of my fingertips. Maybe it's me who can't hear him over the gush of blood in so many areas.

His sigh brings me back. "Do you have any idea how much I think about doing _that_… and more?" He stops his feather kisses and holds his head above mine. "The way your tits bounce when you're bouncy-excited, the way your ass shakes when you walk in those stupid jellies, the way I can just sort of see your cute little panties when you bend over to get something out of your locker, when you suck on your straw at lunch or the way your lips wrap around forks at dinner, and when you twirl your little pink tongue around the head of those fucking Blow-pops I always wish it was me."

I reach above and run tingly fingers through lusty, rusty, boy-sweaty hair. I love the way he dips his head and barely touches his lips on my throat. I love the way his knee is between my legs and if I just scoot down an inch or two, I'll be able to feel _something _there. I love the way he makes my heart soar and gives me safety. I love the way he doesn't want to corrupt me, but I just need _something_. And then he rolls off of and onto his back. His arms scoop me up and I'm laying on his chest listening to his hummingbird-wing-heart slow.

"Do you ever get hard?" I whisper into darkness so it can swallow my embarrassment.

He chuckles. "You saw that picture, pretty girl." He kisses the top of my head.

"Do _I _ever make you… hard."

He takes a breath and scrubs his hand over his face. "We should go back downstairs, Bella."

My eyes flutter close in rejection and I burrow my head into his armpit. He sighs again. "Jesus Christ, Bella, of course you make me fucking hard. When we're sitting in the basement, or outside smoking, or across from each other on the log talking about what you ate for breakfast, my dick is hard! When you walk in the hallways unsure of where you should be, the nervous-cute look on your face and the way you bite your lips just a little bit does it. Hearing you laugh with my sister through the wall fucking does it." He's shaking his head and I can hear his palm scratch his eye in circles above my ear.

"Is it like that for you with other girls… like Jane, or Jess, or Bree?"

"Not anymore," he whispers, turning on his side, touching his nose to mine. He kisses the tip and butterflies my cheek until I fall asleep.

It's seven and golden-morning light streams through my windows. I open my eyes and stretch. As I look around, I realize this isn't my room, and Edward is pushing my shoulder.

"B, you gotta go, my parents are up."

I sit up quickly and decide to play it off like I was in the shower. Edward disappears downstairs. When I'm dressed and presentable, I make my way downstairs.

"Where were you, honey?" Mrs. C asks, sipping a cup of coffee. I glance at Edward who's nonchalantly buttering a piece of toast. His eyes meet mine and he smirks.

"Oh, Edward was hogging the whole couch last night, so I went up to Alice's room to sleep." I grab a cup and pour myself some apple juice.

"Oh, really? When we went to check on you guys this morning, he wasn't there either." Mrs. C looks genuinely curious and not at all suspicious. Unless she's playing it cool. If that's the case, she missed her calling as an actress.

I look around her and narrow my eyes. "What, did you not have enough room after I left?" I feign irritation and roll my eyes.

"Did you just… did you just roll your eyes at me, Bella?" Edward asks, suppressing a laugh.

"Yeah, I did, butthead!" Boy, I'm really playing this up.

He shakes his head. A butter-smooth tongue licks a wheat-crumb-covered lip. He knows I'm watching. I bet Mrs. C knows, too. I glance over and her eyes are downcast reading the newspaper.

No one asks, but Edward tells his mom, "I got a phone call from a girl, so I went to my room. I didn't want to disturb anyone."

"You have a girlfriend now, Edward?" she asks, flipping the newspaper to section B7.

He stumbles over his words. "Well— uh, I… we're just…"

His mom looks up at him. "You're nervous?" she asks. "You must like her."

He smiles and looks down. "I do, mom." I think I see his shoulders slump in relief and excitement to get to talk about _us_ to someone, anyone. "She's kind, and funny, and her knees are so pretty and her elbows are marshmallow soft and her eye lashes touch her cheeks when she laughs."

"Good luck to her," Mr. Cullen jokes, coming down the stairs with a smile on his lips and a tie in his hand.

"Do I know her?"

"Maybe?" he replies before turning his attention to me. "Wanna play ball, B?"

He's never asked me before and I'm suddenly kinda-sorta nervous. What if I lose my breath? What if I sound like a dying hyena? What if he laughs at me?

"C'mon," he says. "They won't be up for hours and I promise not to laugh at you."

It's half past eight by the time we make it outside. I'm still drinking apple juice from a bendy straw. when Edward stops at the door to enter his garage from the kitchen, I almost run into him and spill my drink. He turns to me. "Wait here," he says, taking the stairs 4 at a time. I only have time to wonder what it's like to have legs as long as his before he's back and placing a jersey on my shoulder.

"Wanna wear it?" he asks like he really wants me to put it on, "so you can feel like a _real _ball player?"

I laugh. "Okay." I don't see it, but I can feel his parents watching calculated moves and careful words that slip from a fourteen-year old's mouth.

When we enter the garage, Edward turns and makes sure the door shuts all the way. He quickly peels up my black top, leaving me in a pink cami, and kisses where my jaw meets my neck before he's telling me to put the jersey on. I slip on a jersey that reads Cullen in big letters up top with 17 underneath. I feel like the best kept, dirty little secret. It's really big, so I ball up the excess and tie it with my scrunchy on the side. My shorts aren't as high waisted, so bits my skin shine in the early morning sun. He bounces me the ball and tells me to put it on my hip.

"Excellent," he chuckles, pulling out his phone, and taking my picture. I smile. I definitely have my fair share of secretly-snapped basketball pictures, too.

Edward takes his time teaching me how to dribble and passing and about defense and offense and different ways you can shoot and score a ball. When he starts talking about zones, I start biting Turquoise and Caicos painted nails and then he stops mid-sentence and dribbles the ball.

"Alright, Pretty," he whispers, "let's play."

I glance at my house and notice my dad's cruiser is gone. I hope my mom doesn't decide to drink her coffee on the front porch this morning.

He's dribbling much slower than he would if the boys were playing and I still can't steal it, but I don't mind because when he laughs and touches me with his arm it makes me wonder why we haven't played before.

Twenty minutes roll into and sixty and I'm sweating. I pull my hair into a loose bun and I'm actually trying. When Edward sees me struggling, he'll practically give me the ball. When I steal it and try to shoot, I miss every single time. He doesn't laugh; he encourages. He gives me pointers and tips and watches my breasts bounce in his jersey. I make a note to keep doing that.

"Here, let's practice those shots," he says, holding the ball between his wrist and hip. With his free hand, he pulls the edge of his shirt up and wipes beads of salty water off his face. He's behind me now, maneuvering my ankles and knees and hips and my body is on fire. It's so hot out, but this sweat is from the burns his whole-hand-grasps leave on my body. He bends to reach my short legs. When he palms my knee, his whole hand slowly slides up my outer thigh to adjust it backwards. "There," he whispers as my hip is situated right on his so-secret-private area that he numbered his basketball jersey after.

I choke like someone hits my back and when he adjusts it again, slightly harder and closer still to _him, _I'm all but panting in summer-sun, Sunday-morning, secret-from-beast-friends basketball game heat. His hips push forward the slightest sliver and he gives me hard and hot and not-such-a-secret anymore feelings. Under his basketball shorts, Edward is hard. He's showing me things I asked about it in private last night. I make him hard.

"Holy shi—" I start but then I hear her voice.

"Finally teaching Bella the game?" my best friend asks. Her voice is sleep drunk and I just feel drunk-drunk.

Edward clears his throat but freezes. I can feel hardness to the left of my tailbone.

"Well, hang on," she says, "I'll go get changed. This is going to be too good."

Edward breaths and separates from me. I turn around and look down and there it is, live, in person, dirty picture boy, _number 17_. My eyes are saucers and when I glance at his face, he's embarrassed red and ripping hair from his head. If he keeps this up, he won't have any left when he's thirty.

Edwards breath is pulsing and he's gasping. If anyone saw us, they'd think we had been playing a super serious, intense game of ball. "Jesus," he groans, adjusting himself over his shorts. My eyes are glued. He groans louder when he catches my eyes. "I'll be right back," he tells me.

"Wh-where are you going?" I ask, nervous he really won't come back. I definitely want him to come back.

"I gotta take a walk, B. I can't have my sister seeing my fucking boner." He says before walking around the house, muttering about "cock-blocker" and "fucking Alice".

It's over ten minutes by the time either Cullen comes back. First, it's Alice who's wearing Jasper's jersey and a pair of her own basketball shorts, rolled at the waist. Her hair is faded blue and in his pigtail buns. Jasper steps outside behind his girl in a Led Zepplin shirt and khakis.

Everyone looks so super serious and I'm cracking up the second Alice puts her hands on her hips.

"You ready to bring it, girly girl?"

I can barely see her over high-in-the-sky sun and I bring my hand up to shield my eyes. I can hear Edward dribble-dribble dribble the ball before he rounds the corner and does a layup. I can see his belly and the hair on his legs when he brings one up during his effortless jump. I squint harder.

"Al, can I borrow some sunnies?"

"They broke, remember?" she tells me, putting her hand over her eyes as well.

"You can use mine," Edward says simply. "They're on my dresser. Go get them."

I smile. He just invited me into his room in front of everyone. I stand there sort of dumbstruck.

"Hello!" Alice calls. "Get going so I can kick your ass already!"

I run into the house, past Mrs. C, and up the steps. I try to take two at a time, but I slip and giggle. _Maybe when I'm fourteen_, I think. His sunnies are sitting on the dresser and I grab them. I see red and gray from the corner of my eye and a thought crosses my mind so quickly before acting on it. I use the mirror on his dresses to give myself two fishtail braids, throw on his sunnies, and put his favorite Washington Cougars hat on backwards. I look like a girl from a tumblr picture and giggle. I fly down the stairs and out the door.

Edward looks at me and smiles higher than he was the other night. All of his teeth are showing and I keep this picture in my heart forever. Alice whistles and Jasper claps.

"Look at you, cool baby B," Edward teases, tugging the end of my braid.

"She's ready to play ball!" Jas announces.

"We should walk down to the courts," Alice suggests. It's a twenty-minute walk so we go in to grab bottles of water and maybe a Blow-pop. Outside, we start up the concrete, my arm is slung over Al's shoulders and we're trying to walk in sync when I hear my mom call.

"Where are you going, sweetie?" she asks from the porch. For whatever reason, my mom has been more lenient with what I do and who I'm with lately. It used to be, "be home by 10" and "lights out at 10:30" and "don't you think you're see Alice too much?" Now it's, "Be careful but have fun" and "make memories, Isabella."

"The boys are going to teach us how to play ball," I tell her, running up to kiss her on the cheek.

"Ok," she starts and then calls after me, "did you put on sunscreen? Whose jersey is that?"

I laugh and jog backwards. "Bye, mom, love you!"

She waves me off.

We're the only ones at the court, thank goodness, and the second we get there, Alice is untying my jersey only to tie it tighter, higher, so it ends right above my belly button. My little belly sticks out from too-many-midnight-snacks but I don't care and neither does Edward as he locks his eyes on the one-shade-lighter-than-skin-tone birthmark in the shape of a four-point star to the bottom and right of my belly button. He fixates and stares and smolders and later that night he texts me _I cant wait to trace that birthmark with my tongue, basketball baby, jersey stealing, pretty-as-the-constellations, sugar girl._

Jas and Edward warm up by running in place, stretching their arms, shoulders, legs, whatever. I say, "do I have to? Didn't we just warm up by walking here?"

Jas laughs and shrugs. "I only do it because Edward does." He winks at me. I laugh. Alice is bending and moving and stretching too so I guess I have to. Five minutes later, Jas and Al put themselves on a team saying boys vs. girls is no fair and she just _can't _be on the same team as her dumb brother. When I turn to look at Edward, he slings his arm over my shoulders and pulls me in. We pretend to huddle and discuss plays. He kisses my cheek and I tell him with a shrug, "guess you're stuck with me".

He whispers in my ear "that was the plan all along, number 17."

Edward carries our team. He's so, so good. He can run and jump and play defensive and offense at the same time and we still won. Alice is sore and kicks the ground.

"Were you even trying, Jasper!" she argues. He holds back laughter behind a sweaty hand. "Let's go, rematch." I've already fallen in the shaded grass and shake my head.

"You guys go on, I'll just lay here and die." My breathing is labored and I think I'm having a heart attack.

"You didn't even do anything, Bella," she chuckles.

I sit up on my elbows. "Rude! I was _trying_ but _someone _is a ball hog." I tip my glasses so Edward can see my eyes. It's his turn to hold in laughs as he sits next to me, gulping down water and breathing easy. "Ugh!" I say, looking at him.

"What, do I smell?" He's sniffing his pits.

"No. It's just not fair that you can be all tall and leggy and jump high and take four stairs at a time and play ball for an hour in the hot, hot sun and not even be out of breath!"

He's laughing hard now. "Bella," he starts, "I've been playing for years. My body is used to this. As for my legs," he says, kicking my foot with his and wiggling his eyebrows, "thanks, short stuff."

It's just after three and I'm starving. I moan and groan and tell them "I wanna quit". I'm still Edward's partner and we're trying to break a tie since Al and Jas won the last game.

"Alright guys, baby b is hungry. Last point wins and then let's go grab some food," Edward suggests.

Somehow the ball lands in my hands and I'm dribbling and scared-nervous and when I see Alice literally running after me, I do the only thing I can. I grit my teeth, shoot the ball, and girl-scream with my eyes closed. It's silent for half a second.

"Holy shit!" Edward yells. I crack an eye open and Edward is high-smiling and giggling, running full force at me.

"You fucking did it, B!" He yells, picking me up and tossing me over his shoulder. We're spinning and the butterflies that sleep behind my kidneys wake up in full force and I can feel their wings tickle every blood cell in my whole entire body.

"Holy shit!" I say, slapping his so wet back. "Holyshitholyshitholyshit Edward. I did it!"

He's spinning me so fast, and when he slaps my butt I squeal. He puts me down slowly, sliding my body all the way against his. I feel _everything_.

"Be careful, swear baby," he warns.

"I'm tired of being careful," I tell him.

He smirks. "You don't want our best friends to see the boner you're giving me _again_, do you?" he whispers, still spinning me.

I laugh. "I don't think so."

"Then stop looking at me with those eyes."

"Then stop smacking my butt and putting your peen on me."

He laughs endlessly. "Never," he whispers, setting me on my feet.

We're at the café now and Alice is pouting.

"Don't be a sore loser, Al," Jasper says, nudging her crossed arm shoulder with his. She scowls even more so he wraps an arm around her shoulders and brings her in for a hug. When he kisses the top of her head, she pops up with a smile. I watch Jasper's face glow when he sees Alice's smile. I look directly at Jasper and think, _life is easy-breasy when you're with the Cullen's_ and he returns my glance. He smiles widely with white teeth and laughs. Next to me, Edward is tickling my knee with his fingertips while looking over the menu. Alice gets up to use the restroom and Jasper follows her. When they're gone, Edward pulls and bends my leg so my foot rests on the booth bench and my knee and his mouth are on the same level.

I shake my head, holding in laughter. His eyes watch me the entire time his mouth descends on my knee. I toss my light as a feather head back and laugh so loud people at the next table look. His smile is wide as he pulls his lips back and uses his teeth to scrape my knee slowly. I throw a hand over my mouth to hold in gasps and giggles from teeth and spit and lips on my knee. When his teeth close, he places a gentle kiss over my knee and puts it back on the floor.

On the walk home, Edward let's Al and Jas walk further up, creating just a few yards of distance between us. Edward's sunnies are still resting on the bridge of my nose and his hat is still backwards.

"I like you in my," he pauses to glance down, "everything" he finishes.

My fishtail piggies are wayward and fringed, but when Edward tugs one to get my attention, I don't much mind. His smile is gentle and calm and too-long-in-the-sun slow. His eyes flicker to his sister and best friend as they laugh and talk ahead of us. He looks back at me and while our feet are carrying us home, in the middle of the sidewalk, broad as day, Edward leans over and steals a kiss. It's quick and easy and sly and he gives me his lips and I taste ketchup and salt from the french fries we just shared. Before I can react, Edward pulls away, wiping his lip with the pad of his thumb.

"You're cute and I want to keep kissing you," he whispers. My smile burns a whole in my face and when Edward slips a finger in the back pocket of my jeans, I'm so glad those two are ahead of us. Secret things are my favorite things and I can't wait to kiss him again.


	8. Chapter 8

"Is there going to be drinking, Isabella?" dad asks.

"No, dad," I tell him.

"Because I have ways of finding these things out."

"There won't be dad, I promise."

He gives me the my-little-baby-is-growing-up glance and says, "what does your mom think?"

She's sitting in the corner of the room, paintbrush in her hand, stool at her easel. "I think it'll be okay, Charlie. She went with them last year, remember honey?"

I smile higher than the sky and give them both kisses before skipping to my best friends and my best boy's house. It's the fourth of July and when I came down in a red romper, dad freaked. Luckily, mom talked him down. She gave me the talk weeks ago about being responsible and that I'm not a little girl anymore. I turn fourteen next month and they're trusting me. I smiled and told her through soft teeth that they don't have anything to worry about. Except for the boy next door who invites me outside on the nights I'm not sleeping in his basement and kisses me on the lips when no one is watching and texts me things like _wear red tomorrow _at midnight on July third.

The second I'm inside Alice's room, I take the white sweater off and she gasps. My best friend _gasps_.

She pokes the sheer lace around my waist and says, "no fucking way your dad let you out of the house like that, belly baby."

"Hence the buttoned-up sweater."

She smirks. She smirks like she knows. She smirks like _I taught her so fucking well_. She smirks like I'm the prettiest girl in the world and I hope her brother thinks the same.

I thinly swipe bright blue eyeliner across my eyelid before curling and brushing my lashes with black. My lips are glossy and my cheeks are rosy and my hair is curled, longer than last year, and the front is pinned back with cute sparkly barrettes my mom gave me. The romper is edged with softest lace and ties behind my neck. Alice hands me sparkly highlighter that I dust on my clavicle and over my shoulders.

Rose and Em decide to ride with us, and when Rose gets here, she looks me up and down on the porch as we wait for the boys. She makes me spin and says, "nice" with a wink. She's brutally honest and "nice" is the best I've ever gotten from her, so I blush.

"Oh come on, you so would," Emmett teases, jumping off the steps and into the foyer.

"Fuck off," Edward tells him.

"She's hot," Em teases again, his broad shoulder are to us.

"She's my sister's best friend, dude. Have some fucking respect," Edward says, pushing him away and freezing in the doorway.

Rose has her perfectly shaped eyebrow arched and her gladiator sandal hugged foot is tapping the wood. "Who's hot Em?" Irritation laced with a not-kidding-at-all voice causes Em to freeze to.

"You, of course, Baby. Who else?"

She turns on her heel and storms off to the car. I giggle and look again at Edward. He's shifting around by the door and everyone's packing themselves into the SUV as he shuts the door. Ray bans fall onto his eyes and when I say "hi" he says "hi" and we're smiling like two dumb kids on their first date.

"We're in the back, short stuff," Edward tells me, walking up to the car.

"You guys made a seating arrangement?" I giggle.

"Of course. I gotta sit by my favorite red lace baby, don't I?" And I beam because he noticed.

In the car, there's no earbud sharing, there's no seatbelt buckling, but there is fingers-on-my-knees and texts like _holy fuck, Isabella _and _I'm going to eat your neck tonight _and _I can't wait to kiss those lips._

And I smile because I believe he's going to do every single one of those things to me tonight. Ever since that kiss he gave me after playing ball in his jersey, his lips find mine anytime we're alone. They're always closed, but I can deal with that. Once, when Alice left to go "help" Jas with something, Edward leaned over, pushed me down, and kissed me so hard my head spun and spun and I wondered if this is what he feels when he lights a blunt and pulls in deep because if it is I no longer wonder why he smokes. I want to bottle this feeling that bubbles my whole body.

_Think of way we can sneak off, secret baby, I gotta taste your freckles later._

I want to tell him to stop. I want to tell him he's giving me tingles. I want to tell him I'm _wet_, but when he watches me squeeze my little legs tight, tighter, tightest together and sit up higher, he grabs my knee and separates them. I glance over and his smirk is devilish and corrupt and so kissable right now. His head shakes no and his eyes plant themselves on my lips. I bite the corner and Edward closes his eyes before putting his hand in the pocket of his black skinnies and searches for something deeper than his soul.

The rest of the ride is silent save for Rose and Em who argue about what Em said earlier and Mr. and Mrs. Cullen who lecture us on how to be appropriate and kind teenagers and when Jas turns around to tug on the french braid I gave Alice earlier, she swats his hands and smile-laugh-yells. She's wearing one of Jasper's old shirts that she stole to cut and splash bleach over to create her own little grungy style. The back is sliced into horizontal lines and you can see her bright pink bra. Her dad made a comment about being able to see it and when Alice said, "I guess I could just take the bra off," her dad said "leave it" and Alice walked away with a smirk.

Edward stretches and rests his long arms on the back of the bench seat that Alice and I are on the ends of.

"Not sure how _I _always get stuck in the middle," he says to everyone, but when he wraps his arms around mine and Alice's shoulders and pulls us in for a hug, I know he means "I'm so glad that I always get stuck in the middle."

When we get there, Mr. Cullen gives me, Al, Edward, and Jas twenty bucks.

"What about us?" Em jokes, holding his hand out.

Mr. Cullen closes his wallet and tells him, "sorry, only for my kids."

I watch Mrs. Cullen elbow her husband before he smiles and hands Em and Rose ten dollars each to which they decline with simple smiles. Rose and Em disappear to fight or makeup or breakup then makeup. The boys walk around with us this year and even though I have my own money, Edward pays for my cotton candy and diet coke. He looks at me, grabs a pinch of freshly spun sugar, and puts it on my tongue.

"You're so cute," he tells me over and over and over until my eyes are light and loving and kind of swimming with his.

Jas and Al disappear to play games or make-out behind the bathrooms. Edward and I are alone and we walk along the rocky beach.

"Your freckles look cold, B, can I warm them up?" he asks suggestively, stopping our stroll and leading me to a semi-secluded embankment far enough away from prying eyes.

He sits down against a rock and puts me between his legs. His arms are hugging me around my shoulder and I slide mine up to feel the warmth he expels. His fingers dance along my arms, tickling fat and rubbing smooth circles by the insides of my elbows. I lull my neck to the side and rest my head on one of his shoulders. My eyes are closed and I can feel rocky sand scratching my bottom, so I glide my hips back and forth to find comfort.

He drops his hands to my hips and his lips to my neck. "What are you doing," he whispers, kissing and licking and nipping at my exposed skin.

"The sand is scratching my thighs," I sigh, trying to wiggle away from stilling hands.

"Fuck, Bella, don't do that." He's gasping and his lips are at my ear and his fingers are digging in my hip.

"Why?" I ask, smiling because I kinda-sorta already can _feel_ why, but I want to hear him talk dirty and say _fuck_ again.

"You know why," he tells.

I grind and circle again and again.

"I'm fucking warning you, Isabella."

_I'm _gasp-panting now. The only thing hotter than _fuck _is _Isabella_.

He slouches us down in the sand and he takes each of my legs and lifts them over his own so my feet are slouch-planted on the outside of his knees and I'm spread wide open down there. Sea breeze picks up and I can feel it whisper on so hot skin in my undies.

"Mmm," I hear him moan in my ear. "I can _smell_ you, Bella."

I'm suddenly very aware and very self-conscious and when I go to shut my knees, Edward places both hands on them, forcing them open.

"Go ahead, B, do it now. Grind yourself into my dick so I can smell what I do to you." The pressure his hands have on my knees combined with his words open me up and I want to tell him wet again, for the second time this evening, but I think he already knows.

I try again to close my legs. I want relief. I want pleasure. I want the feeling I get when I think about Edward, late at night, when I'm laying in my bed, and my inner thighs squeeze me down there.

Edward keeps them open and whispers to me, "the worst feeling is when you're so fucking turned on and you can't do shit about it, B. This is how I feel every second I'm with you and watch you lick ice cream from a spoon or open your legs when you're laying on your belly so I can see up your dress or when I watch you try to get off with your own little thighs." He kisses my neck and says, "keep them open just like this, pretty-pretty."

I watch and feel his fingers creep up my thighs and my breathing shallows when they ghost over my so-hot-to-be-touched center and travel up over my belly and the swells of my breasts. His fingers ghost slower, heavier over my peeked nipples and I moan so loudly but he lets me.

"Fuck," he says. "I'm trying to be good, Bella. I'm trying to go slow, but how can I when you're here and spread open and I just want to lick you to death. Should I untie this, Bella? Should I untie and watch your chest goosebump from my touch. Should I untie it and blow on your nipples? Tell me, Isabella, should I?" He's pulling at the strings behind my neck that tie my top into a halter.

Before I scream yes from the top of my lungs, my phone rings.

"Hello?" I say, out of breath and out of touch.

"Where'd you guys go, B? We've been looking for you, and why are you so out of breath? Is he making you run? Fucking Edward…"

"We'll meet you at the hotdog counter," I tell her before pressing end and throwing my phone.

"Fucking Alice," he says for not the first time.

My legs are still open and I'm still breathing sea breeze into my lungs. I have _never_ felt a need like the one he just gave me.

"We gotta go, B," he says softly.

"I can't move," I tell him honestly.

He chuckles. "Jeez, if this is how you react from just words, I can only imagine how you'll be when I'm _inside_ you, Bella."

"Freaking Alice," I say, closing my legs and standing. He smiles and kisses my knee before he stands with me.

"I would have said yes," I tell him, walking to the hotdog counter.

He throws me a smile and a wink. "I know."

I order a hot dog and a drink and pay for it myself this time. We're sitting together watching the sun tire over crashing waves when Alice looks behind me and squints.

"What's _she_ doing here?" Alice asks. I turn around after taking a big bite and groan. Jessica Stanley. I roll my eyes.

"Hopefully she doesn't see us," I tell her.

"Go away, Edward. You're the light and she's your moth."

I laugh way too hard and Edward shoves me with his shoulder playfully. "She'll hear you!" he jokes.

"Edward!" she squeals, and I can hear her running over. The _click-clack_ of high heels on black pavement catches my attention. When she reaches us, she puts her body between mine and Edwards on the bench and stares at him.

He doesn't even glance at her.

"Are you wearing heels?" I ask.

"Uh, yeah," she says like I'm dumb.

"But, you're at a beach, Jessica…"

"Your point?" she says pointedly, scowling at me.

"Her point is you're a fucking dumbass. Who wears high heels to the beach? You're gonna sink in the sand, asshole. And are you fucking blind? Don't you see no one at this table likes you?"

Jess is _tsking_ and stomping her little foot and when she puts her hand on Edwards back I all but pick up the ketchup bottle and squeeze it all over her dumb head. But, before I can, Edward leans away and tells her politely, "Jess, I've told you before, I don't like you like that. If you keep pretending I do, we're going to have a problem."

Her cheeks are embarrassed red and I can see the glassiness of her wants-to-leak-tears eyes. "You're an idiot anyways!" she yells. "I heard you knocked up some girl in Arizona and you had to move all the way to Washington to get away from her and the baby. I hate you!" she yells. When she gets up to walk away, Edward grabs her wrist and turns to her. I'm watching calculated movements and barely there grasps on her wrist.

He takes a breath before saying, "I'm not sure what you heard, Jessica, but you might want to check your sources. I would never want to be with a girl who spreads lies just as easily as she spreads her legs. You're ruining my company's night. Please leave."

She gasps a wounded breath and snatches her hand back. "Sorry to interrupt your _double date_," she seethes, stomping away.

Alice looks at Edward with big eyes and an open mouth and so much hurt and anger and embarrassment. He's staring back at her with apologies and comfort. Jasper looks at me with compassion and understanding and a wall of support. When Alice opens her mouth, I plan to hear accusations about her best friend and brother but instead she mumbles: "how did she find out, Edward?"

The sun is setting and I'm sitting on a log down the beach from the party. The sky is orange juice sour and violent pink. I excused myself softly, claiming my mom called and I needed to call her back. That was twenty minutes ago. I've thought about what I heard. _Knocked some girl up_ and _how did she find out, Edward? _keeps spinning like a carousel that I've been on too long and want to throw up sugar fluff and hot dog buns. He was _thirteen_ when he moved here. How… why… The person who sits next to me interrupting my one-word judgements isn't the one I thought would find me.

I don't turn to look. I don't say anything and neither does he. He doesn't have to. He pulls me into his chest so tight and holds my head over his beating heart. I can feel it. He can feel it too. He is warm and calm and safe and his smells is ivory soap and sandalwood clean.

"Is it true?" I ask him.

Jasper nods. "But it's not what you think, Bella."

"Then what is it?" I ask

"Let him explain."

"Why hasn't he done that already?"

"He thought maybe you needed some time, B."

I nod. I did. I do. I have so many questions. Like, "why" and "how" and "what the hell?" and then I think I better get some better questions.

Jas lets me lean against him for a few more minutes before he breaks the silence.

"You're it for him, _baby B, sugar baby, pretty-pretty,_" Jas jokes, pressing into my lean. "He loves it when you stare at him and sit next to him on the couch. He loves it when you meet us outside and watch us smoke. He loves it when you guys sneak out of the basement when you think I'm asleep."

I pick my head up and search his eyes. He winks.

"Are you going to tell Alice?" I ask.

His lips purse in a way that gives me too-nervous-belly-flips and shakes his head. "No, but I should because she's my girl like you're his." He's silent for a moment before continuing. "Edward's kept a lot of my secrets. He's tried to make my skeletons his own. I owe him this."

We listen to the waves crash and watch the sky darken before Alice runs down to us. "Come on, guys, the shows about to start. We saved you some seats."

Her spirits aren't high as the sky anymore, but she's not crying like Jas says she was so I guess I'll take it. When I get up to go, Jas stops me.

"He likes you, Bella. Like he really, _really_ fucking likes you. I've watched the way he stares at only you. I've watched the way his hands itch to touch only you. I've watched him shrug away from girls at school and smile at the back of your head during lunch. He's my boy and I don't want to see him lose this thing between you, so just please listen to his whole story before you decide, okay?" He asks.

"Okay," I give him. When we stand to walk, he throws his arm around me.

When we're almost to our group, and I can see Alice cheering next to Rose and Edward looking straight at me, Jasper whispers, "You're a good girl, B, even when _you're _the one pressuring _him_."

I stop and stare at him wide eyed drowning in disbelieving embarrassment. But mostly shock. "You guys should start taking your late-night rendezvous to his room a little sooner, Bella." And when Jasper winks, I die. My body is melting and my cheeks burn holes in my face. I feel like crying from relief, or release, or emotions that I can't even name. Instead, I walk slower than I ever have and sit down in the only spot left, next to Edward.

I'm almost positive he can hear my heart over the screeching release of the fireworks. I know he wants to touch me. I can feel the pull of his skin and mine together. He and I are magnetically charged and when I feel his pinky lay over top mine, I turn to him.

He's looking at me and his eyes say _listen to me_ and mine say _I will_.

I see his breath release from his throat, and when he blows it out, I lean over and breath in. I want to take a hit of my most favorite drug.

Alice passes out after we drop off Rose and Em. Jasper's arm is around the back of the seat, supporting her head. He hasn't looked at us or said one thing to me since the beach. I hear the hardness of Edward's swallow grow louder and louder the closer we get to home because he knows.

When Jas puts Alice back to sleep on the couch, he tells us to "go on" while cocooning her in a blanket and sitting next to her. He looks at Edward and nods and they speak their weird only-best-friend-eyes-can-understand language and then I sigh because Al and I speak the same language, too. As soon as we're up the basement steps, I turn to go up to his room. He grabs my hand and it's like Christmas morning during a thunderstorm.

"Come outside with me?" he asks.

"Okay," I say in the smallest voice I've ever heard.

He holds my hand and takes me through the way he gets to our log from his home. It's cold out, and I'm only in this stupid red romper, so he tears off his button up and wraps it around me.

"Won't you be cold?" I ask. He's only wearing a white undershirt and black skinnies still.

"I'll be alright, Bella," he whispers.

We're silent for too long and the awkward tension of I'm-afraid-to-tell-you air balloons and pops the second I throw my leg over the log and face him. He slow-sighs in defeat and copies me.

He scoots in closer, my legs around on the outside of his, and my hips are hurting, but nothing like earlier, from the split until he lifts my thighs, placing them over his and we're so close it hurts like one-point-away-from-winning-the-season. I grab his neck and pull him close. I feel his crotch on mine but it's not sexual. He's soft, and warm, and scared, and _sorry _for mistakes that were made way before me.

And then that's when I realize that he shouldn't be sorry because how can I be upset, how can I blame him for things he did before he even knew I existed? Would he be upset that I used to crush on Laurent when I was eleven and when I played House by myself, he was _always _my husband? Would he be upset that I used to write Isabella Newton all over my journal the month before they moved to Forks?

"Bella," he breathes, and I let him suck me in and shatter around me. His body shakes silently ad the hold he has on my body pulls me deeper. His full palms are pressing me into his chest and his back and his legs and his heart and soul and I want nothing more than to be that, right here, for him now. I _want _to be the girl who breathes life and love and curiosity back into him. I want to be the girl he wants to spend Friday nights alone with. I want to be his, secret or not, and when I open my mouth to tell him, he's speaking for me.

"I was thirteen when it happened, and it devastated me, Bella."

My heart pounds like train tracks and I'm nervous-scared he's going to say anything and nothing at all.

"I've been with a lot of girls, like, a lot, Bella. I was pretty hypersexual since the day I got my first hard on. Ever since then, I wanted my dick in anything and everything that had a pussy and smiled at me." He loosens his grip and shakes his head. "I love having sex, B. I love going down on a girl. I love watching her come. Sometimes I'd have two or three girls _at a time_." He left a pause and I could tell Edward was waiting for me to recoil or stare wrong or slap him. I didn't. I held tighter and shut my eyes.

Jasper's words of _listen to his whole story _play and replay in my mind.

"I always used protection. Every single fucking time, Isabella, I promise you. But, and I don't know how else to say this B, I'm sorry… My dick was growing I guess, I don't know, maybe it wasn't, maybe the condom had some fucking defect, but when I put it on and it felt too fucking tight, I should have known. I should have stopped there. I should have said just suck my dick. But I didn't. I just threw her down and fucked her." I swallow so hard I feel like my throat breaks open and I have to grab my neck to check.

"How old were you guys?" I ask gently, finally finding my voice.

He takes a deep, shaky, nervous breath. "I was thirteen and she was sixteen." I'm nodding slowly. What the heck would a sixteen-year-old want with a thirteen-year-old? "It was my girl friend's sister." I feel him peel me back so he can watch my judgment in the dark. My arms go slack and when he untangles himself from me and push back, I hook the heels of my feet on the back of his calves. _I'm not going anywhere _my feet tell him. He finds my fingers in the dark and continues. "So, we're doing it and I feel something weird in there like a hair tickling my dick or something. I don't even know. I just thought it was her coming on me and it felt fucking incredible. Everything was wetter and looking back, I should have fucking known." He's grabbing his hair, and when I reach up to take his hand, he lets me. "I thought it was the best sex ever because she was older and knew what the fuck to do, so I kept going, and after I finish, I pull out and notice the top of the condom split open and there's my dick dripping with come." I breathe deeply. His talk about sex with another girl makes my heart dive into my toenails.

"When I tell her, she's like 'oh its fine, girls only get pregnant when they ovulate' and I ask 'well how the fuck often does that happen?' and she says 'once a month, I think' and because she's a girl and knows shit about girl shit, I trust her. I feel better. So, the next day she texts me and says that she did some calculating and turns out she was _probably_ ovulating yesterday. I asked her if she was fucking with me and she said no." He grabs my knees and not like his usual I-can't-wait-to-eat-your-knees knee grab. No, this is a I'm-going-to-fall-over-if-I-don't-ground-myself knee grab. I place my hands over his. It's hard to listen to boy you like talk about liking to put his dick in other girls, but I keep telling myself this is all _before _he met me.

"I told my dad the second he got home and he did the worst thing a parent can do. 'I'm so disappointed in your choices, Edward. We taught you better than that.'" He says, imitating his dad. "He didn't know about all the sex, he still fucking doesn't. Anyways, the girl texts me a picture of the Plan B box and I never heard from her again. A few weeks after the pregnancy scare was when they found the pills and powder that I told you about, the real reason we moved."

Edward's running a hand through his hair and down the back of his neck. I'm studying the way his eyelashes curl in the light of the moon and the freckles on his face from basketball camp last month. His hair is July-sun red-brown, my very favorite shade, and the ends are sticking in every direction from nervous finger pulls all night. I'm not as upset as I thought I'd be.

"Say anything," he whispers, suddenly conscious that his story is over and I can either stay or leave.

"Wanna know what I'm really thinking, Edward?" he grabs my hand brings the back of it to his lips. He doesn't kiss it or lick it or bite it. He takes my palm and cups his cheek with it. I can feel the burn on clammy-nervous skin. When he takes my other hand and places it gently on his heart, I feel the scared, fast, marathon pace of my favorite song.

"Yes," he whispers.

"I just keep thinking that you and I are so, so different. I'm the same age now as you were when this happened, and I _cannot_ imagine that. I can't imagine doing the things you did right now. Your life is so far from mine, and I don't know why you chose the things you did."

I feel him slowly loosen the grip on my hands. They fall to my thighs. He unhooks my heel from sore calves one at a time and I let him. He tears back his thighs from under mine and waits for me to stop him. He clears his throat as he pushes himself back.

"But," I whisper softly, scooting back over, grabbing his head and putting our foreheads together.

"But," he whispers back, laying his palms on my bare, smooth, sticky thighs.

"But you have showed so much control with me and for me and about me and I realize that _this _is you. This is the only you I've ever known. That boy who haunts you, that boy who's a different life is just that, Edward Cullen. He's a different life. This you who grabs my knee and bites it while your sisters in the bathroom? This you who teaches pretty-girly-girl to shoot a hoop? This you who laughs and smiles like first of the season snow? This you who holds my hand under the blanket and stays in with me on Saturday nights just watch me sleep? He's the one _I _know… He's the one _I love_." And just like that, the word is out of my mouth before I can breathe and I don't regret it at all.

"You're the sun in my eyes when it's raining kind of love. You're sleeps next to me to hear me breath kind of love. You're saves-my-innocence when I want to be so _dirty_-_bad _kind of love. You're knocks-out-an-old-man for best friends kind of love. You're the sand in my soul and the heat in my hair kind of love. You're whisper-touches in the dark kind of love. You're hip grabs and whimpers kind of love. You're "does the blood in our veins feel the same" kind of love. You're toe grabs and finger bites kind of love. You're the only boy for me kind of love. You're—"

And then he shuts me up with his lips crash we're falling to the forest floor. I hear thousands of feet scatter along limp leaves and I don't even care. He's on me and in my soul and touching every word I've ever said and sweet kisses in the backyard and ankle whispers and grabbing my hip and pushing me down.

"You're so fucking wild, Isabella," he smiles in my ear. "I tell you my deepest, shame-filled, fucks-my-life-up confession and you tell me you fucking _love me_." His teeth drag on my neck and he lifts up my arm to bite my armpit and _I_ _fucking_ _love him_. His kisses drag slow burns around my exposed skin and the way he overfills my cup with love and trust sets my mind on fire. He kisses my eyelids and elbow and he even takes off my shoes to kiss-bite the bottom of my big toe before he licks my ankle to my knee and kisses me right on the lips.

He sits up, pulling me with him and whispers caresses into my marrow.

"You, _pretty-pretty loveliest-girl_, are the fucking reason." He pushes and pulls me until I'm straddling his lap and he pushes the small of my back so I'm being absorbed. I lean back and laugh as his arms and legs and chest vibrate to swallow me whole.

"Edward, my knees are getting dirty."

He rests his head on my clavicle and whispers. "You're the song I sing in the shower and the reason my jersey is number 17. You're the little texts I read and reread even if they just say _hi, boy_. You're the blush in my cheeks and the reason I clip my fingernails. You're too-cold-toes on my socks. You're kisses on my jaw and dribbles on my heart. You're warm light and life altering. You're _prettiest girl in the whole fucking world_ and my favorite color. You're pillow-sharing, deep-filthy-secrets. You're my sister's girl and the light of my lover."

I smile and kiss him like he's never been touched before. Because it's true. He's never been touched like _this._ No one has ever sifted his soul like sand and run their fingers over grains-too-big-to-fit made of secrets and love and too-good-for-Arizona. No one has ever touched this boy's marrow and butterflied in it. No one, until me.


	9. Chapter 9

We're standing now and I'm brushing twigs and leaves and Edward's skeletons from my knees and legs and arms. When they're all shaken off, discarded in a pile on the forest floor, Edward grabs my arm and turns me. He's looking at me like I'm the first person he's seen his in his whole life, and maybe I am. He slowly pulls my lips to his and kisses me hard right on my already-swollen, fluffy-puffy girl lips. His hand palms the back of my neck, bringing me agonizingly, sinfully, tenderly closer to his soul. I feel his fingers sprout upwards and when they pull hair at my nape, I'm sighing into his mouth.

"I love you," he tells me simply.

"Same," I giggle, kissing his cheek and walking out of the woods.

Jasper is hovering around the edge of the backyard. He has a joint in one hand and his phone to his ear with the other. He's shaking his head then nodding. He turns around, mid pull, and watches us. His eyes dart to our entwined fingers and he smiles.

"I gotta go, Ri," Jas says, shoving the phone in his pocket.

"Riley?" Edward asks.

"Yeah."

I watch Edward watch Jasper watch our fingers separate.

"I don't want him at our fucking house, Jasper."

Jasper nods and when he offers Edward the rest of his joint, he takes it. It's a peace offering. I don't know anything about Riley other than he's total jackass now. Edward won't talk about it. Once during a game, Riley tried to block Edward's shot even though they're on the same team. It wasn't long after that he got kicked off the team for stealing stuff out of a teammate's bag during practice.

Edward sighs and swallows and shrugs off weight that just fell on previously lifted shoulders. _Stop _I want to tell Edward. _Let Jasper figure it out _I want to shout. _You can't be his dad, Edward_ I want to shake him.

"Everything go ok?" he asks, directing the question to me as Edward takes a hit, opens his mouth to suck in, and he's holding it.

I nod and smile. "I think so," I tell him, looking at Edward who smiles, grabs me, and bends me backwards.

He's blowing a cloud of smoke around us after tells me to "breathe in if you want it, lover girl."

I do, but only a little. I'm scared that someone will find out like my dad or Alice. The boys hang out for a while outside and I can tell they're waiting to talk in private. I'm emotionally beat so I offer to leave them alone.

I'm a few yards away when Edward asks Jasper, "you sure you know what you're getting into?"

~!~

Edward's birthday passes and he's fifteen now. Two weeks ago, oh a whim, he tried out for a basketball camp that he's been talking about since they moved here. So, on a Tuesday, Mr. C drove him up and on the drive home, they called and offered him a spot for the last week of July. Now, we're in his room, bag packed at the door, enjoying our last night before he leaves for Seattle Elite Basketball Camp. He's staying on a college campus, in the dorms, for seven whole days.

"It's going to be great, B," he tells me, flipping through the brochure from his parents. "Do you know what this could mean for me? For _us_?"

I shake my head. _Us _I replay over and over. "It's just a camp, right? Like you go and play ball for a few hours then you eat and go to sleep?"

He laughs and shakes his head. "No," he explains, "we do drills and sprints and talk about how to make this a fucking career, Pretty. On the last day, families can come up and watch an all-day tournament and the winners get a free week of camp for the next year. Scouts come to this kind of shit, Bella." He's fumbling and mumbling and his fingers are on my elbows and knees and he's licking the pad of my pinky.

"You're nervous. Why?"

His eyelashes flutter in summer-midnight darkness. "I don't know, B. What if I suck? What if my team is shit? What if _I'm_ the worst one on the team?"

I'm sitting on the sofa in his bedroom and he drops down, laying with his head on my thighs. He reaches up to twirl my hair around his fingers. "Want me to go? Then _I'll _be the worst one on your team."

He laugh-sighs and tugs my hair until our lips are telling violent, wet secrets with each other. "Come with my family to the tournament, B? Even if it's just from the bleachers, pretty-baby, I need you there." I'm smiling against his lips and nod.

~!~

The next morning, Edward texts me, _be out of the shower by 8:30_, _wet baby. And don't lock the door. _So, I am and I didn't. I have a towel wrapped around me, my hair is wavy and heavy-wet sticking to my shoulders. When Edward walks in, he locks it, turns around, and smiles. He's wearing low slung jeans with a polo and I don't know if it's just me, but he looks so much older since turning fifteen. His facial hair is light and patchy and it tickles my neck when he kisses my freckles. His legs and arms are so long, and now when he stands near me, Edward is a tower and I am a blade of grass. His shoulders have filled out, and his hair is more red-brown than brown-brown all year. His fingers are long and they can wrap around my whole knee cap when he sits next to me in the basement.

"Bella."

White bone catches my lip. He's looking at me with just-smoked eyes but I know he didn't. They're hooded and dark and swimming all over my wet, _wet _skin. I made this boy high. I make his mind and smile high. I make his hair and fingernails high. I make his _peen_ high.

"Don't call it that, Bella," Edward chuckles next to me on his bed one night.

"Why not?" I ask.

"Because _he _isn't a peen, that's why."

I turn to look at him and rub his ears and chin and hair. "Then what is he?"

"He's a big, hard, fucking dick, baby B."

He's walking over to me now. His steps are planned and he eyes my throat cautiously. "We don't have much time, B. My dad's packing the car." His arms are around me and absorbing my love and miss and hurt that he's about to leave me with.

I hug him back, soaking his shirt with shower-wet arms. "I'll miss you," I whisper.

"Same," he says in my ear, kissing softly. He pulls back and dances his tongue around my jaw and then my lips. He's kissing me harder and faster than he ever has before. Before I have time to heavy pant in his mouth, Edward picks me up and sets me on marble between two sinks. He places my hands, palm down, behind my back and pushes me to lean back just the slightest. "I want to leave you with a little present, Isabella," he muffles into my neck. "Just a little something to remember me by." I'm giddy and hope like hell it's finally an orgasm.

"But it has to be somewhere only _my girl_ can see." With his fingers, Edward undoes the knot of the towel and looks at me with _is this ok? _eyes. I bite my lip and nod, looking down as he leans. The towel slips and slides and puddles around the wetness leaking from untouched folds. I'm totally bare from my belly button up and he's _never _seen this much of me before.

"Fuck," he sings, putting his lips between my breasts. He circles each one with nose before whispering love and lips across the bottom. My breasts are pert, but he grabs my right wrist and places it up and against the mirror, holding it there to stretch me. My breast lifts slightly higher than before. "Fuck, Bella."

He's staring right at my flushed pink and so hard nipple. His mouth is right there, and I maybe jut out slightly, hoping he'll take it in his mouth. His mouth opens and he kisses the side, taking soft, thin skin between his teeth and pulling. It tugs my nipple and I'm jerking my hips. "Hold still," he whispers, moving his lips to the side and underswell of my breast. He vacuums my skin into his mouth and breathes me alive. I feel teeth grab and pull my skin like pulls from a joint. He keeps skin in his mouth and lets it burn like smoke. Edward's taking the biggest hit of his life. I'm his drug; I'm making him high.

I circle my hips, grinding myself on rough terrycloth and it feels _good_. I circle and circle and gyrate front and back. Blue-greens burn into me and I feel it.

His sucking and my circling and when he bit right next to my nipple cause a very lazy "oh, shit." I caress his head and pull his hair with my other hand. "Edward," I plead into wet air. He sucks my skin harder and I can feel the violent red-purple he gifts. Blood gushes under my skin and pools there. There, and everywhere. When he's done, he licks and sucks and kisses.

"There," he says, rubbing it with his thumb. "Do you like it, B? I made it just for you." And then his hand palms my ribs and his thumb brushes my underboob. And then, more to himself than me, I hear him whisper, "I'm going to taste these soon."

My eyes are practically shut now. I'm panting so hard and heavy and it hurts in my chest and _down there_. He can tell. He helps me sit up and wraps the towel back around my body, tugging it tighter than before.

"I love the shit out of you, Bella. I'll call you, ok?" He kisses me softer. His lips are swollen from bruising my chest and when I pull his lip with my teeth he bites back.

He watches me easily now. He watches my dilated pupils and heavy chest. He watches the way my lips swell red and how hard my nipples are under the towel. He watches my hand move to his jeans and then he backs away.

His hand is on the door knob when I say "I love you."

He turns his head and smiles at me. "Same."

~!~

It's been three days and I'm bored. Mom makes me stay home at night during the week.

"We just never see you anymore, baby," mom says and I cringe. Baby sounds all wrong when my mom says it. It's young and childish and innocent.

"Mom, I don't think I'm a baby anymore."

Her hands slow the washing of the lasagna pan. "Awe, you'll always be my baby, Bella."

"I know, mom, but maybe you could just call me Bella now. I'm going to be fourteen in a few days and—"

"Fourteen doesn't make you any less my baby," she says simply and I sigh. I want to tell her the only baby I am is sugar baby and swear baby and pretty baby and baby B.

I help clean the table and ask, "where's dad?" It's not like him to miss dinner.

"Oh, he's pulling some extra shifts at the station. I guess they're working on something big." Her hand waves me off. I clear the rest of the table and call Al.

"I'm bored," she says.

"Me too."

"Come over."

"Can't. Mom says she never sees me anymore."

"Want me to come over?"

"Yes."

And four minutes later she's knocking on the front door.

"Wow, Alice, what a surprise," I joke as she pushes me over.

"Why are you taking my sister from me?" Alice whines to my mom, helping dry the dishes my mom is washing. When she hands me one of the dishes to put away, I want to tell her _this isn't why I invited you! _but I let her butter my mom up. Alice throws her polite little giggles and laughs at my mom's jokes. When mom asks if we'd like to paint with her in the basement, Alice says, "actually, yeah." So, now here we are. Al and I share a stool and my mom lays acrylics out on paper plates.

"Very cool, Mrs. Swan," Alice tells her and I'm pretty sure she's being serious. My best friend listens as my mom tells us to just paint what we feel. Alice grabs a brush and mimics my mom. Her brush swallows purple and white and bleeds lilac on white canvas. I swirl milky red and sunburnt orange and dot some of Al's lilac on the corners. Gray smoke swirls the corner of the canvas and I watch as yellow drips down the sides.

"Beautiful, Bella," mom whispers.

"It's nothing special," I tell her. "Just some random colors."

"Not random at all. You put those specific colors on those specific places for a reason, sweetie." Her smile is _I'm trying_ and _you're still my baby_ and mine says _I know, mom_.

Alice's painting is blonde hair and white teeth and dirty gray sneakers and all Jas. She smiles after her brush is down.

"Can I keep it?" she asks my mom who nods.

"Leave it here to dry overnight. You can pick it up tomorrow."

Alice nods and we jog up the steps, shutting the door.

"Your mom's pretty chill, B."

I shrug. "Yeah I guess."

We watch movies until eleven and when Jasper calls her, Alice tells me goodnight. I wonder what they do alone with no one there.

"Honestly? Nothing. And I'm getting sick of it," she yells. "I'm fucking horny, Bella. He won't even finger me. I don't get it."

"Have you talked to him about it?" I ask, turning towards her.

"I try! It's like… I don't know… he doesn't want me or something. He probably thinks I'm ugly. He's probably sick of me. He probably thinks of me as his fucking sister now."

"Alice Cullen, you are _not _ugly. Maybe he's scared. Maybe he wants to preserve your innocence."

"There's nothing to preserve!"

My eyes grow and my stun shows. "What?" Alice is blushing. _Blushing! _"Spill it, Alice. I can't believe you never told me."

"Well, I sort of did that one time we played truth or dare but then you never asked again and I never told you." She shrugs. "It's really nothing. I mean, I'm still a virgin, but before I moved here, I let a guy go down on me."

"What was it like?"

"Honestly? Horrible." She shakes her head in disappointment. "I've heard my brother bring girls home when our parents were out and they would _scream_ Bella. Like, fucking screech and pray to God and oh my god ew I'm gonna throw up." She fake chokes, grabbing her flushed red cheeks and keeling over. I giggle. She's talking about my boy with other girls, but what she says sounds about right, so I nod. She shakes chills out of her arms and neck. "Anyways, I heard what they sounded like, and it wasn't like just one girl, it was a lot so I figured sex stuff probably feels good as shit right? Well, I let the boy who kissed me use his fingers and when that sucked, he put his mouth on me and it was nothing like what those girls sounded like."

We're sitting in silence and I'm nodding. A sly smile plays on my lips. "So, you're saying your brother is a sex god?"

She roars with surprised laughter. "Fuck off!" she says, sticking her finger down her throat in mock puking. I laugh so hard my eyes are spewing salty tears on her shirt.

After Alice leaves, I say goodnight to my mom and head to bed. It's midnight and I glance at my phone. Nothing. I haven't heard from Edward since yesterday morning and it was a short _things are good. Very tired. I can't wait to smell your breath and lick the inside of your skin. Love you, hickey girl._

I don't want to call him so late, so I send a simple _you're the blue in my eyes and tingle in my undies. I love you._

The next morning, my phone beeps at 5:55 with _same ;)_

~!~

It's Friday and the beginning of August. It's my birthday month, and I'm almost not thirteen anymore. "What should we do?" Alice asks.

I shrug. "I don't know."

We're laying out on beach towels in her backyard. The sun touches my skin and warms the love-suck Edward made for me. It's there and yellow-green-sprite edged with amethyst on my pale skin. I'm wearing a blue one piece that dips low in the back to hide his affection. Jasper is sitting next to Alice and he's reading Jack Kerouac for Summer Reading. He's bored without Edward, but Alice says he's been meeting up with Riley Biers to play ball or something.

"Should we have a beach party at La Push?" Alice asks. "Like "Fourth of July" only "Fourteen for B"."

I shrug. "Okay. Who should we invite? Think your parents will take us, Al? My dad will never go for it."

"Totally. We can invite Em and Rose, if they're still together by then, you know how that goes. We can invite Ang and Ben, James, some of the boys from the team? Who are the nice ones, Jas?"

"Hmmm," he starts. "Sam and Jake are pretty ok. Paul and Erik are kind of annoying in a nerdy way, but they're harmless."

"Invite them too. Let's make it big. Baby B only turns fourteen once." Alice winks at me and I'm giddy high as I turn on my belly. I play with my phone for a while. My skin is tinged pink and sizzled and I'm about to tell Alice I'm roasted when I get a _ding! _from my phone.

_Hi pretty lips._

_Hi cute boy._

_Tell me what you're doing, baby B._

_Making plans for my birthday. We're thinking La Push. Will you come?_

_Only if you wear that cute little blue thing with no back ;)_

I whip my head to Jasper immediately and he's howling.

"Jasper," Alice says, turning over in boredom. "Quit sending Bella dirty pictures."

He laughs louder. "I didn't. At least not to _her_."

I shake my head and blush under the dark glasses shielding my eyes. I think of a smart rebuttal for a few minutes.

_Only if you promise to take it off afterwards._

He's silent for a few minutes and I smirk, celebrating my victory. I'm looking through our pictures when my phone vibrates.

_You don't know how hard you make my dick, B. I can't wait to watch you suck it._

Goosebumps rake my body and I'm tingling everywhere. I can't talk like Edward. Well, I don't talk like Edward, but I sometimes think he wants me to, so I think of words I've heard Jas, Al, and Edward say sometimes in the basement and create an awkward sentence. I press send before I can think three times about it.

_Your cock will feel nice in my mouth and in between my boobs._

_I'm gonna jerk off to that later, B. I love you. I miss you._

_Same_ I tell him.

_You're gonna jerk it later, too, pretty lips?_

I bite my lip and play the game. My stomach knots so low it burn-tugs. _Maybe._

_I'll call you later Bella. Answer._

I turn over and lay on my back. I catch Jasper's eyes. He's crazy smiling, holding in late-night secrets and love whispers and so much trust that I really owe Jas but when Alice's mom calls her inside for something, I throw my girl a bone and, hopefully, maybe even a boner.

"What's up with you two?" I ask, sitting criss -cross on my towel.

"What do you mean?" He closes his book.

"C'mon, we don't have a lot of time. Alice really likes you. She wants things to move forward. She wants you to go down on her, Jas. Give her something. It's been forever."

He shakes his head and runs his hand through his bright-from-sun blonde hair. He's been hanging around Edward way too much. "It's more than that, Bella. It's love and life and the reason for existing. Before it all, before this was my permanent address, Bella, she was calling me every night to make sure I was _alive_. She was writing me little letters and putting them in my overnight bag. She was telling her mom to have sandwich stuff here always so I could eat. You and Edward have your little secrets, but so do we, B. You have late nights and secret texts and stolen kisses and knee tickles. We have deeper secrets and early mornings and before she had a cell phone, I'd call their home phone 3 times in a row, allowing only one ring. That was for Alice. That was _it's ok_. That was _he didn't hit me tonight. _Alice is my whole soul. I don't want to just _go down _on her. I want to consume her."

"Well, dang, Jas."

"But, fine, if she wants me to finger fuck her so badly, I will."

I'm silent for a second before I lean forward and laugh so full of joy. He catches my arms and chuckles back with me. I look at him all pink-cheeked and Edward's-old-ray-bans and tongue between his lips and best-friends-secret and fresh air. Jasper is an old soul, and he wants to treat her like a lady. Alice wants him to be the horn dog she is because girls will be girls.

~!~

It's nearing ten and I've had my phone in my hand for an hour. I'm in my bed and I'm consumed with thoughts of Edward. He's the lightening in my thunderstorms and the warm blankets when it's snowing. He's the blood in my cheeks and my breasts when he says _fuck_. He's the laugh on my lips and the kiss on my palm. He's _you're mine _and _follow me _and _I can't wait to watch you suck it_ and my nipples harden. They're so tight it's painfully good and I want him to take it between his lips. I glance at my phone again and I'm frustrated in so many ways.

I decide to pull my tank up and watch my boobs bounce from the movement. They're pretty cute, I guess. Definitely a handful and they hurt when I run which is why don't. And, also, because running just sucks. I tap the skin around my boob. It jiggles. My hand is under my boob and grabbing from the bottom like Edward did a few days ago. It doesn't feel quite like when he did it, but I don't hate it. In fact, I actually really, _really _like it. I shift upwards and my breast fills my little hand and then some. My nipple cuts against my palm and when I squeeze my fingers, it shoots lightening down there. I rub my legs together and tear my tank off. I go to grab my other breast when my phone rings.

"Hello?" I breathe softly.

"B," he sighs.

I missed his voice and the way he laughs.

"Edward," I sigh into the phone. "Tell me everything."

And he does. As he speaks about his coach and the dummies on his team, I throw a blanket over my naked torso.

"Coach Peters screamed at this kid for traveling, B. Screamed at him!"

He uses words like double dribble and triple shot and lay up and they sound familiar but I make a note to start investing in my boy's future a little more.

"Does he yell at you?" I ask.

"No," he tells me softly. "Except one time he did tell me 'you've got potential, kid, but get your fucking head out of your ass' and then walked away."

I laugh. "Why was your head up your ass, Edward?"

"I was daydreaming about my girl and missed a shot."

"Edward," I tell him, "you gotta stay focused if you plan to make me a basketball wife. I want to be sitting pretty next to Khloe Kardashian."

Edward is silent as my light hearted joke suddenly becomes as heavy as an elephant. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"

"No," he says gently. "No. I like that idea, Bella." I can hear the smile in his voice, and I miss his white-pretty teeth and the sporadic stubble on his jaw. I miss his easy stares and silent kisses.

He tells me that his roommate makes him do late night practices and when he gets back to his room, he falls asleep before he can call. I nod and share my forgiveness for things that don't need it.

"Where is he now?" I ask.

"I told him to get lost so I can fuck off with my girl."

"Edward," I exhale.

"Yeah, girl?"

"I can't wait to see you on Sunday. Maybe we should create a secret language? Like, when I run my hands through my hair, that means _I love you_ and when I touch my neck that means _I can't wait until you touch me_."

"Ok, B. When I touch my hair, that means _you're pretty_, when I scratch my chin that means _I love you _and when I bend to tie my shoes, that means _I can't wait to taste you._"

I laugh. "Taste what, Edward?"

Half expecting him to say my knees or toes or birth mark, I'm sugar-syrup surprised. "_You_, Isabella." I groan louder than I intend to and he tells me to keep it quiet, _horny baby_. "Tell me what you're wearing, B, so I can tell you take it the fuck off."

"Just a pair of undies," I whisper.

"Where's your shirt, Little B?"

I glance at my shirt. "On the floor."

He breathes deep. "Why?" I'm too quiet and awkward and unsure. "It's okay, Bella, we don't have to. I only wanted to hear your pretty voice."

"I wanted to feel like it felt when you touched me."

His breath is deep as he pulls me in. "And did it?"

"A little," I whisper.

"You're so fucking perfect, B. I love your little sighs and sounds and watching your big blues turn black when touch your thighs."

"Edward," I mumble.

"Yes, Bella?"

"I just…" I stop and sigh. Why is it so hard to tell him what I want? What I need.

"Tell me, B," he whispers. "I won't laugh at you. Ever."

"I want to feel you touch me, Edward." My voice is feather soft and sun-light warm.

"I know you do, baby. I want that too, I promise." His love sighs and tired voice pull me back. Edward is lightest, brightest and my heart burns with love's penetrating laugh.

We're talking about everything and nothing. He has me on speaker when he's sitting on the bed relacing his shoes.

"You should have seen it, B, this kid was just—"

"You done jerking off, asshole?" stranger's voice says.

"Fuck off," Edward tells the person. I hear muffling and rustling and short laughter before he's back. "Sorry, B," Edward whispers, "Chris wants to go to bed. I'll text you tomorrow, ok?"

"OK," I tell him. "Love."

"Same," he whispers.

~!~

On Saturday, I go to an art show with my mom. I ask Al if she wants to go, but she tells me, "Jas has "plans" for us."

"Alice Cullen…" I begin, my smile stretching my cheeks so high it pinches.

"Don't even, Isabella Marie." Her laugh consumes mock irritation.

"Are you going on a _date_?" She's silent and I can almost see how she bites the inside of her cheek.

"Maybe Jasper will finally fuck me," she giggles before changing the subject.

It's dinnertime and we're walking around craft tables. Mom sold two pieces. It didn't seem like all the much, but my mom's beam and glow pressed a smile on my lips.

Her hands are touching pottery and painted clays and jewelry. "Where did you say you're going tomorrow?" she asks, holding up long turquoise.

"Alice's brother is in some basketball tournament in Seattle." Before she can ask me why I'm going, I tell her, "Alice asked me to go so she has someone to hang out with."

"Oh," mom says, putting the necklace down and picking up a ring. "Okay, well, just be careful. Use your manners. Be respectful to Mr. and Mrs. Cullen. Have fun, sweetie."

I smile. "Mom?"

"Hm?"

"Why have you been so… cool lately?"

She stops and looks at me. "What?"

"I just mean, like, this whole last year, you have been letting me do more things and stuff. I don't know. Sorry, mom."

She turns to me, hand on her hip. "I don't want to do to you what my mom did to me, Bella. She hovered and I lost it. She told me not to hang out with certain people. She told me not to do certain things. She told me not to have sex. And guess what, Bella? I ended up pregnant at eighteen. You are the love of my life, and I wouldn't change it for anything, but I don't want that for you. I want you to experiment and enjoy life but still be cautious." And, in the middle of a crowded table full of house wives and stay at home moms, she tells me, "when you're ready to have sex, will you promise to tell me? Just so we can get you on some protection."

"Mom!" I yell, walking away with strawberry cheeks and mortification.

"It's fine!" she yells after me. "It's normal! Your father and I—" I cover my ears and eyes and throw up a little in my mouth.

~!~

It's six in the morning on Sunday and I'm standing in front of the Mr. Cullen's SUV. Today is the day. Alice makes me sit in the way, way back with her. I give her the _why_ face when she tells me to _shut it _with her eyes. Jasper has ear buds in, slouched low and sleeping in the middle row. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen sip coffee and hold hands. I brought a blanket and pillow, fully intending on sleeping the whole way up. Alice brought her makeup for me, and it sits in a travel bag in the cupholder to my right. I'm wearing a sunflower yellow skater dress with white little flowers all over and buttons down the front. Alice asks why I'm so dressed up and I shrug. "She always looks like this," Jas says, rubbing his eyes before buckling up.

"Bella," Alice says, taking my hand in hers and squeezing. She pulls me down so our heads are pretty much hidden by the back of the second row. "He did it. He fucking did it, B, and it was _incredible._"

I'm wide eyed and stunned. "Did _what_ exactly. Tell me everything."

She retells the night before sparing no detail. They order a pizza and watch Anchorman. It's getting late and he hasn't even kissed her yet.

"I was so pissed, B. I was like why the fuck isn't he doing anything. Not even a kiss, Bella. Nothing. I look at him and throw the blankets off of me and tell him I'm going to bed." She bites her lip now. "He asks why and pulls me down. Bella, oh my god. He pushes me down and just attacks me. He bites my neck and touches my waist and when I rip his shirt off of him, he fucking growls."

I'm blushing at her story and smiling until it hurts.

"After we make out for, like, ever, he pops the button of my jeans and pulls them down, Bella. He was leaning over me the whole time, resting his arm on the couch and kissing my neck and holy fucking shit it was like the sexiest tickles and bursts of fire in my stomach and I told him he's doing it again. Tonight."

"Did you… _you know_?"

"Yes," she sighs, leaning back dreamily. "And it was fucking magical." I lean against her so happy she's happy. "And then he let me touch him, B, and he was so hard and long and—"

"Okay, Al, that's enough," I tell her, sitting back. "Jasper is like _my _brother." She laughs and laughs until her dad jokingly tells her to pipe down and winks at us from the rearview mirror.

There are 10 teams and hundreds of people in the stands. We go to the gym that at the time Edward's playing, and I watch him jump and shoot and turn and block. I watch him search the stands and touch his hair then his chin. I smile. He speaks a language only we know. He hasn't found me, but I run my hands through my hair anyways.

It's just after one and Edwards team breaks for lunch. Alice made him a big sign and Mrs. Cullen's voice is gone from cheerleading her son's team. It takes over twenty minutes to file out of the gym and find him outside. His mom grabs him and he spins her around. His dad shakes his hand but he pulls him in for a hug. He lifts and spins Al and whispers in her ear. She slaps him and laughs. His eyes are on me as he hugs me with two arms, lifting me without the spin.

"Strawberry baby," he smiles into my hair. "Perfect, pretty girl. I missed you like crazy."

He puts me down and watches my lips. I lift my hand and touch my neck. _Remember, _I think. He smirks and after he pats Jas on the back, he bends to fix laces that are tied tighter than ever. He looks up at me and winks.

"Hey, man," says a dark skinned boy. "You're really playing to win out there."

"Yeah, I'm not messin' around," my boy jokes. They talk for a second before he gives introductions.

"Chris, this is my mom and dad, sister, Alice, brother, Jasper, and Bella. Guys, this is Chris. He was my annoying roommate."

Chris extends his long arm and politely shakes everyone's hand. "This your girl?" he asks while shaking my hand gently. His smile dazzles and his eyes shimmer.

Alice laughs at the accusation. Edward's looking at me with pain before he says, "nah man, that's my baby sister's bestie."

Now, it's after dinnertime and Edward's team is part of the final game. I'm nervous and scared and I know he wants this so badly. My hand finds Alice's when the opposing team takes the lead. Edward's playing whatever position does the shooting, and he fakes out the guy throwing arms in front of him. He pivots, fakes, and shoots. Jasper yells. Alice claps and so do I. The buzzer calls the end of the game after he scores three more times and he did it. His mom and dad rush to him. Alice and Jas are too. So am I, but I arrive last. He's high smiles and all-day-long sweaty, but when he throws his arm around me, I sink in and swim in his excitement.

We're back in the car and I'm buckling my seatbelt when Edward sits next to me. "oh," I tell him, surprised it's not Alice.

"Do you mind, B?" he asks, turning to smile. "There's actually more leg room back here and I'm sore." He's lying through his teeth. This backseat is cramped and small compared to the second row.

"Ok, but keep your boy sweat over there," I respond with a smile.

"Can't make any promises," he jokes.

We're not even ten minutes on the free before he's grabbing my thigh and pulling me as close as my seatbelt allows. He smiles, leans down to the floor to look for something and when I catch his eyes they're saying _come here_. I lower myself too. He grabs the back of my head and kisses me seven long, empty days worth of no kisses, no touches, no winks, no knee grabs, no toe tickles, no licks on my scar or birthmark or freckles. I separate our lips after a minute and breathe him in with my eyes and fingers. He holds my hand under the blanket until he passes out.


	10. Chapter 10

Salty breeze picks up and weaves into strawberry scented hair. My fingers get stuck as I run them through tangled tresses. It's my birthday party and we're celebrating at the beach. Edward, Jasper, and some of the basketball team are playing ball on the blacktop. Makeshift nets made from old garbage cans sit on either side.

"Now that's a net I can reach," I joke with the boys, bouncing the ball up and down, slam dunking in front of Jasper. I reach down to get the ball out of the can and can't quite seem to reach it. I can feel my jean shorts stretch up my bottom and expose the very top of the backs of my thighs. When I reach down again, I feel his legs block mine. He reaches down with me. His crotch presses at the top of my hip and I feel the way he's pressing into me a little harder than necessary. I bite my lip when he pushes me harder and our bodies move the can.

"Wanna join, birthday baby?" Edward asks, lifting the ball up and spinning it on his finger. He makes orange rubber spin atop his finger and I feel like it's my world he has balanced on the pad of his finger. It starts to spin and loose rhythm and, as if it's nothing, Edward throws the ball in the air and catches it in his other hand.

"No," I say simply. "I don't want to get all sweaty at my party, Edward." He eyes me silently and I feel them linger on my short little legs. I'm dressed casually in a dusty blue one-piece with criss-crossed strings down to the exposed belly button. My boobs are plump and pushed and my bottom is covered by the denim shorts I slipped on before walking with Al to her dad's car to get the coolers.

She huffs and puffs and blows hair out of her pretty green-today eyes. "I can't wheel it in the sand, B!" She complains. Before I can say anything else, Edward, Jas, and a few others from the team jog over and lift with strong boy arms.

"Where to?" Jas asks and Alice points him to logs by the fire pit down on the beach. Edward smiles big when he sees me eyeing the small bulge on his upper arms as he heavy lifts and shifts and carries.

"Like what you see, Pretty?" He winks as the blush colors my chest and neck Christmas-time red.

Edward's been back from camp for a few weeks and things have been standard. He pulls me to his room sometimes and we lay awake all night talking and softly laughing and sharing super-secrets, high hopes, and crazy dreams. He usually holds my hip down with his palm and fingers and shifts his leg a top mine. Sometimes he places his knee right where I need it and I grind and grind and circle until I'm so close to something that I see his love and hear his desire course through my blood and rush to my most swollen areas. On these nights, he kisses me hard and gives me his tongue so softly as he strokes his love on my tongue and teeth and lips.

"C'mon," Edward whispers against my lips. He chastely lays his lips on mine and licks the swell of my bottom lip before taking it between his teeth. "C'mon, baby, horny, pretty B." He pushes his knee closer to where I need him but I'm still not there. "I want to watch you, Bella. I want to see your face flush and your eyes gleam. I want to feel your nails spilt my skin when you come." But as much as he tries with his knees and legs, it just doesn't happen. I need anything else and he knows that, but I can tell Edward isn't ready to give that to me yet. He's holding back. He's showing restraint. His denial has nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. I can wait for him though. I will wait for him.

"Yeah I do," I tell Edward, referencing his growing muscles. His smile is stout and boyish, and the way red-brown bangs fall in his eyes makes me want to reach out and rub them away. His blue-greens tickle mine and he blows me a simple kiss before he turns around and walks down the beach with ease.

"Well," Alice starts, adding ice and drinks and hotdogs to the cooler. "I'm ready to sit my ass down and tan until I'm crispy." I smile and plop myself next to her on the towel. I throw my arm around her and say, "me too."

Down the beach, much farther away, are Mr. and Mrs. Cullen and a couple of their friends. They have umbrellas and pepperoni and a radio and wine. We have diet coke and candy and Alice's Bluetooth speaker and sparklers for later.

It's just before dinner and all our friends have arrived. Rose, Al, Ang, and I are sitting in a circle talking about school and schedules and boys. Each of us has a boy; mine just happens to be a secret. When Ang talks to us about Ben using his tongue on her, Rose tells us she and Emmett had sex.

"Shut the fuck up!" Alice screams excitedly. "Tell. Me. Everything."

"His parents went out of town a few weekends ago and when his brother went out to party, he had set up candles all over his room."

"Awe," I croon, smiling.

"Don't get too excited," Rose laughs, "we had to blow them out when his curtains almost caught on fire. Anyways," she starts after our chortles die down, "he goes down on me for, like, a minute to get prepared but he got too excited and wanted to just get to it. When it was time, he tries to just shove right in. I almost died."

"Why?" Ang asks.

"It fucking hurt," she says, grabbing her crotch in phantom soreness. "I made him lay on his back so I could control it. It hurt like hell but when the ache stopped, and I started to get into it, the fucker finished before I could."

"Oh, shit," Alice laughs, grabbing her stomach and falling into my side. I laugh because she's laughing and Ang laughs because I can't control myself and Rose is mad because Alice now calls Em a minute man.

My eyes catch Edward's from across the beach. He's still playing ball but his eyes never leave mine. I turn back around and tell Al to leave Rose's boy alone. "Would you want someone saying that about Jas?"

"Oh, that would never happen. Jas makes sure I get off many times before he does," she says, watching me and smiling through my blush. Rose looks irritated by the happenings of Alice's sex life and when she turns around to catch the sun's rays with her back to us, Alice shrugs. "I can't help it if he's a lover and a pleaser." I shake my head and smile.

I lean back on my towel, still in my shorts, and listen to the birds overhead. Rose is on her belly reading a book, Ang is in the water with Ben, and Alice snores quietly next to me. There's something about the heat of the sun and lull of waves that sing Alice to sleep. When Rose shuts her book, I scoot over and lay next to her. Distant sounds of basketballs dribbling and boys yelling and Ang laughing when Ben dunks her make me summertime-birthday-girl happy.

"Everything ok?" I ask Rose.

"I guess so," she sighs. Rose isn't always the easiest to talk to; she makes you work for her friendship, but I don't mind because she's smart and funny and loyal. She sighs and sits up. "It's just not fair. Jasper is like, this little nerdy quiet boy. He's self-conscious and inexperienced. Em is big and bold and charming. Why the fuck did he only last a minute?"

I shrug. I'm not really the best to ask but I try to tell her what she wants to hear. "Maybe he was just so turned on by you, Rose. I mean, look at yourself." I glance down and gesture. Her legs are long, tan, and smooth. Her fifteen-year-old body has developed well beyond her years. He breasts are large and perky and there's a perfect pink pout on her lips.

She looks down and shrugs. "I guess you're right," Rose smiles. Her teeth glint in the sunlight and I'm struck by her beauty. Rose is voluptuous in her backside and breasts where I carry more weight in my hips.

"Give him another shot," I say, smiling and bumping our shoulders. Golden, icy blonde hair falls into her face and she glances up at me with the slyest, sweetest smile.

"Oh, I plan to make him grovel and make up for it before he can gain access again." I smile and laugh and tell her she's so bad she's good while watching waves caress the sand and enjoy the excruciating heat of deep rays on sunscreen painted skin.

~!~

The sun has just set, and the boys disappear for a while. When they come back, they are free bird, high in the sky, soaring. Edward's all smiles and laughs and his eyes catch mine so often I want to text him to stop before someone notices. He's licking just-smoked lips and rubbing his red, dry eyes with his palm. His hand slings low in his khaki shorts and the other grabs an ice-cold coke from a cooler. Alice leaves my side on the log and storms right up to Jas, grabs his neck to kiss him and yells, "I want to fucking try it, Jas!" so defiantly she actually stomps her sandal covered foot. No one really notices but me and Edward.

Rose and Em are talking quietly, his arm around her neck. She's making him grovel. I giggle. Ang sits with Ben and Jake from the team. Sam and Paul stand more towards the water and talk quietly together. After Alice demands, Edward puts a hand on Jas's shoulder and whispers something in his ear. Jas looks back at Edward with knowing acceptance and nods. Edward claps his shoulder in thankfulness.

"Let's go then, Alice," Jasper says, grabbing her hand and leading her away. His eyes are worry-annoyed, and I watch his free hand grab the back of his neck.

"Where are they going?" I ask Edward after running over to him.

He smiles. "Wanna find out, pretty-pretty?" His fingers toy with the strap of my suit. My back is to the group and Alice and Jas have disappeared beyond the parking lot lamps. He allows his pointer finger to slowly strum the criss-crossed strings of my suit, pulling down the fabric allowing him more access to the swells of my breasts.

"Yes," I tell him softly.

"Let's go."

~!~

Down the beach, opposite of our party and their parents, Edward, Jas, and Al are behind a building, sitting on cement bumper curbs. I watch Jasper teach Alice to pull softly and shallowly before opening her mouth to suck a tiny little breath in. Then, I watch her hold and hold and as she releases, her throat constricts, and her coughs are loud and obnoxious. Jas, of course, prepared for the situation by grabbing a drink. He holds the dripping can up to her lips and she slugs mouthfuls down. Jas takes the joint after Alice smokes two or three times and hands it to Edward.

Edward pulls softly. He's already higher than the stars and I want to ask him to stop. The way the smoke slips from his mouth makes my breasts tingle. His lashes fly in the breeze and he looks down at me. "Wanna try, Bella?" he asks, holding it out to me. He senses hesitation and smiles. He loves my innocence. He loves that I'm not corrupt like Alice. He loves that I don't demand things like wanting to smoke or have orgasms like she does. He loves my patience.

"Not tonight," I tell him softly. He smiles again before putting out the joint and standing.

"Come on," he tells me, looking behind him at Alice and Jasper. She's watching him and smiling. Her fingers glide down his smooth cheek and she giggles. "She'll be out of it for a while. We've got some time." He doesn't touch me or grab my arm. "Text me?" he asks Jas over his shoulder. Jasper nods.

When we're back under the cloak of our secret, shaded in nighttime darkness and moonlight, Edward twists his fingers in mine. We're walking down the beach and after fifteen minutes, I can just barely see the fire or hear the girly yell of Ang when Ben trick-tickles her with a fake spider.

"You look beautiful tonight, Bella," he tells me, holding my hand. He stops walking when we're far enough away and pulls me to him. "I love your pretty hair when it's down and messy and the way the sun burns your cheeks. I love the smell of salt and strawberry in your hair and on your skin. I love the way sand sticks to your toes and the way your jeans sit on you hips. And this fucking suit, Bella." He shakes his head. "This is my favorite one so far with the pretty fucking color and the straps on your shoulders and the way your tits are all caged in and shit." He touches the strings again. "Can I set them free?" he whispers, pulling me closer. His lips smoosh mine and his hand glides to my lower back, pushing me into him.

He lays us down and looks at winking stars with me. Sandy stones stick to exposed, sun-loved skin. Chills dance up my arms and Edward turns to me. When I look at him, Edward grabs my chin and kisses me quickly. He isn't urgent in time; he's urgent in love. He needs my lips and tongue on his and the hand that had grabbed my chin is now grabbing my hip and pulling me to him.

"You taste like sugar and heat, baby B," he whispers against my lips.

"You taste like basketball and bad boy," I careen into his.

His lips slow on mine and when he stops, I'm staring at him. Moonlight illuminates his most perfect attributes. "You're so beautiful," I whisper, pushing his long hair from his forehead. His blush is genuine. "You're the most beautiful boy I've ever seen." His smile is wide and elated and loving. My smile is safe and caring and open. I drop my hand and nuzzle his chest. "Did you hear the news?" I ask, running my fingers along the softest fabric on his stomach.

"Hm?" he responds, tickling the skin of my back.

"Emmett's a minute man."

Edward's hand freezes and then he's howling into the darkness. "Where'd you hear that, B?"

"Rose said so."

"Oh yeah? Shit, that's a shame…" he trails off.

"Is that… normal?" I ask genuinely curious.

Edward shrugs. "I think for guys who might be a little inexperienced. Shit feels good, Bella, like really fucking good. Some guys can't hold it together because of that and some guys are just so fucking selfish they don't try and get their girl off first."

I'm quiet for a minute and ask a question I already know the answer to. "Which one are you?"

"Neither, baby," he whispers. "I'm the guy who will fuck you for hours. I'm the guy who will touch you slowly and make sure you come so hard you see my voice and taste my name. I don't play around, Bella. When I give you my touch, you'll know."

I swallow hard and breathe unsteadily. I've never wanted it more in my life than I do at this very moment. I want his mouth on my neck and his fingers in my undies. I want his hardness pressed into my hip as he circles slowly. I want to feel him on me and within me. I want to hear his voice when he gets me off. I want him to get me off.

I think he senses this too. He shifts our bodies so we're on our sides, facing each other, and his lips war with mine. His hands roam and drag and nails mark my thighs. I feel him slip his hands to the button of my jeans and when it's popped and my zipper is down, he shimmies my jean shorts off my hips. I help him kick them off. I don't know what we're doing or what he has planned, but I trust him.

"Your legs are softer than honey and I want to taste them, B," he whispers before leaning up, pushing me on my back, and kneeling between my legs. He brings my knees up so sand tickles the bottom of my feet, and when he brings one leg up to his mouth, Edward tongues my ankle to the back of my knee and leaves small bites.

"Edward," I sigh-giggle, whimpering into soft, dark air.

"Yeah, Pretty?" He places my leg back down and crawls over me. Edward hovers over me and when he rests between my legs, I gasp at the entirety of Edward against me. His khakis are rough. He's so hard under them and I feel it when he pushes against me. He does it once, twice, and on the third time, I suck damp air into my lungs. He stops, but my whimpers tell him keep going, please.

His arms are holding his body up and are resting next to my head. His hips grind against me up and down and when he circles, I grab onto his wrist next to my ear. "Fuck that's hot, Bella. Talk to me," he tells me, pressing harder. "Tell me everything you feel."

"I feel," I whisper, grinding my hips back, "I feel like," I'm circling now, "like I've never been this close."

"Good," he whispers.

"I feel you all over me, Edward. I feel you right on me."

He moans into me and says something I already know, "you're soaking wet, Bella."

When Edward grinds harder yet and pulls his hips back slightly, thrusting forward, I moan so loud I cover my mouth with my hand. He takes my hand away, and I see his head shake in the moonlight.

"No, Bella. No one will be able to hear you. Don't hold back from me."

I slowly slide my hands down and when they accidentally graze my pebbled nipples, I stretch my suit and my breasts pop free. Edward's eyes gape and when he thrusts forward, my breasts bounce firmly.

A small growl escapes his throat and I can see the war he's fighting with himself. I cover both breasts with my hands, gripping my nipples harshly with both thumbs and pointers.

He's bouncing me hard, harder, hardest and when he pushes one of my hands away from my breast while my fingers are still gripping my erect nipple, I yell out in ecstasy. "Oh!" I moan delicately, softly afterward. "Oh my god, Edward," I whimper, pulling on my other nipple a little harder now.

"You are fucking magnificent right now, Isabella," he groans, thrusting harder and grinding deeper. I can feel myself soaking my bottom half, and I'm sure it's on him everywhere. I'm too turned on to care. I bite my lip and squeeze my breast while the other is bouncing and dancing in tune with Edward's rhythm.

"This is what I'm going to do, Isabella," he whispers in my ear, thrust after mouthwatering thrust. "When I'm finally inside you." He watches my breast and my eyes and the way my hips move with his. "Slide my cock in and stroke you so painfully slow you're going to tear all of my hair out." He pauses, his hips are pulled back from mine and his eyes watch my breasts raptly. "Then I'm going to push into you so hard you'll see black." And with that, his hips meet mine and he's grinding up and down so hard I do see black.

"Edward," I whimper, circling my hips harder and harder. Something is tingling in my belly down to my toes. "Edward, I think…" I trail off, grabbing his arm with my free hand and digging into his strong bicep. I'm moaning and my hips are circling faster now.

"Yes, Bella," he encourages, thrusting faster.

"I think I'm…"

His hips circle and circle against the spot that makes my legs quake.

"Do it Bella. Come for me."

I open my lips in anticipation. I'm so close. So, so close, but I'm not falling and starting to get frustrated.

"I need…" I trail off, gripping both nipples now and pinching hard.

"Fuck Bella, give it to me."

"Edward, I need—" and before I can finish, Edward rips away my fingers again and sucks my nipple right into his mouth. My back arches and I'm soaring higher than he is right now. I feel the knot so deep in my belly twist and tighten and my breasts ache with stiffness. I feel wetness all over and my chest is light-bright and Edward singed. My eyes grip closed and my center presses so hard against his erection. The pressure spins me and I'm gasping and gripping and loving the way Edward takes my nipple between two lips and pulls with suction and licks with wetness and grips with white teeth. He's pulling every ounce of orgasm I have from my body. I feel it in the way my toes curl into the rocky sand and the way my fingers stick into his muscles. I feel it in the way my voice shoots rockets into the deep, dark sky and the way his erection mimics what he'd do so pleasingly if no material was in the way.

"Holy shit," I whimper, slowly setting my back down in the sand. Edward is still tasting my nipple and one of his hands is grabbing my free one. I run my fingers through his hair and whimper into the air again. "Edward," I whisper. My fingers are still tingling as I try to push the skin of his forehead off of me. He growls softly. "I'm so sensitive," I whimper with pleasure dipped in the most delicious pain I've ever felt. He sucks once, twice, three more times, eyes glaring at me. He's mad I'm making him stop. He sits back and squeezes my breast in his large hands.

"I love you so much it twists insides and makes me feel hot and crazy and incredibly fucking needed, B." He's kissing his way between my breasts and up to my neck. His hips have stopped but he's still so hard between my legs. When his teeth scrape against my neck, I cry out again.

When I go to grab him over his shorts, his hand pins mine down and he grinds into me again. "No," he tells me gently. "Tonight was for you, baby B. Did you like it?"

I nod so slowly. "Will you do it again?" I ask, hope laces each and every letter.

He laughs gently. "I warned you, Bella. Now that I've started," he whispers into my ear, "I'm not stopping."

His phone dings and without even looking, he tells me we gotta go. He sits back and in the white moonlight I see wetness cover light colored shorts. "Edward," I tell him, pointing.

"Fuck," he laughs, pressing on himself over the spot I soaked on his shorts. I watch as he gets up, throws his phone at me, and walks just-over-the-knee deep in the water. He splashes and comes back over. "If anyone asks, horny baby, you didn't come all over my dick. You pushed me in the water." I smile and nod.

He takes my hand to pull me up before grabbing the back of my neck and kissing me. "Really, Bella, did you like it? Was it too much? I tried my best not to scare you, baby B."

His eyes are intent and serious. "You didn't scare me, Edward. It wasn't too much. It was just enough."

He breathes relief and kisses my forehead. "Good," he whispers, "because I'm usually much more… vocal... and hands on."

I bite my lip and swallow my moan. "I'd like to see that," I tell him.

"Be careful what you wish for, pretty B."

~!~

Back at the beach, everyone enjoyed hearing the story that Edward got taken down by his baby sister's best friend. And when sky-high Alice heard, she laughed so hard she peed herself. Literally. Jasper rolled his eyes with a smirk, picked up no-care-in-the-world Alice, and washed her off in the water. Upon her return, she yells, "let's play Never Have I Ever."

Some members of the group groan and walk away down the beach. Those who stay roast marshmallows and warm chocolate on graham crackers before crunching and crumbing and groaning in delight. Those who stay are me. I am the one eating delicious, creamy s'mores, moaning in delight over the flood of sticky chocolate in my mouth. I'm high over birthday orgasms and Alice is just high. Edward sits between Jake and Rose and stares at me over embers snapping out of the fire. His eyes burn brighter than wood-on-fire. I love this boy and the way he makes my body come and come alive.

Alice explains how to play the game. "Everyone holds up a hand with five fingers—"

"Yeah, that's usually how many fingers are on a hand, Al," Jas jokes.

She ignores him. "If whatever the person says you have done, you'll put one finger down. Ready? Ok," she starts without waiting for everyone's response. All five fingers are up on her hand so I copy her and Edward copies me and the rest follow suit. "Never have I ever drank alcohol."

I keep all five of my fingers up. Jake, Em, and Edward put one down. His stare burns me. I smile at him.

"Never have I ever had detention," I quip.

Alice and Jas put their fingers down. Edward shows his best I'm-a-good-boy smile.

"Never have I ever jerked off to Jessica Stanley," Em says, shivering in disgust.

Edward's looking at me and smiles. Four fingers stay up. He winks and licks his lips. Jake, Paul, Sam, and Jas put a finger down. Alice's mouth drops and Jas places his finger on her chin to close it. "Way before you, darling."

"Never have I ever fucked a girl in the ass," Jake says.

I watch Em and Edward slowly lower a finger. My eyes swing open and I nearly choke on my tongue. "Oh fuck," Alice groans, watching her brother admit a dirty little secret. My cheeks burn from desire and want. What would that feel like? I watch Edward's eyes follow my swallow and travel to the warmth of my cheeks. He bites his lip. I can see in his eyes he has me bent over and is going at me from behind. I close my legs tighter and clear my throat.

"Never have I ever had sex without a condom," Edward says.

No one's fingers lower and I'm kinda-sorta glad.

"Never have I ever faked an orgasm," Alice says.

Rose and Edward lower their fingers. Em is pissed. "The fuck?" he asks.

"Sometimes it just isn't going to happen, Emmett!" she yells back. Rose is not the girl to cower or backdown. Em storms off and Rose walks the opposite way.

Everyone questions Edward, even Alice. "How does that even work?" Jas asks.

Edward shrugs. "Rose is right. Sometimes it just isn't going to happen."

"Does it happen a lot?" I ask quietly.

His eyes meet mine and his smirk tickles my belly. "Nah," he says, "not with the right girl, B."

"But, like, so do you just groan and moan and then pull out and that's it?" Alice asks.

Edward laughs and runs his hand through wind-blown-firm hair. "I guess, Alice. Sometimes the girl's pussy is just not doing it. It's sloppy or dry or… I don't know. I'm just not into her and so I fake it and throw the condom away immediately."

"You better never do that," Al says quietly to Jas.

"Ew," Edward says.

"Never have I ever shaved my junk," Jake says.

Edward, Jas, Al, and I put our fingers down. Edward and Alice both watch me. Alice bounces up and down screaming, "oh my god you dirty girl!" and Edward smolders. I hope he's picturing it.

"Never have I ever tasted myself," Jas says.

Edward puts his last, lonely finger down and I'm ready to sprint over and throw him on the ground. I'm ready to search his eyes. I'm ready to straddle his hips and grind myself on him again. I'm ready to do it without my suit in the way. I'm ready to watch him taste himself. I'm ready to watch him taste me. I do the only thing I can think of. I take out my phone and tell him I'm so turned on, Edward.

I watch as he pulls his phone out and turns the brightness down. He types and types until I have to look away. When I feel a buzzing in my lap, I try to wait a few minutes so no one catches on. I talk to Alice about my shaved vagina and about Jas jerking it to Jess. I laugh at the right times all the while thinking about the hot coal burning in my lap. When I finally check, it's vibrated so many more times.

Shaved, huh?

You're a dirty little girl, B.

You have my dick so hard right now.

I can't stop thinking about the way you sound and how your eyes squeeze close when you come. I can't stop thinking about the way your nipples taste and how you smell.

I breathe in. I'm shaky and dirty-talking-light-headed and my eyelids burn. I'm squeezing so hard and my hips rock back and forth on the log to relieve the pressure-swelling in my swimsuit.

"Everything ok?" Alice asks.

"Yeah, why?" I respond, meeting her eyes and shoving my phone in my pocket.

"You're, like, riding the log, B." She's half joking, half laughing, and totally serious.

I giggle slightly and stop.

Ride me like that, baby girl. He texts me immediately. I need a breather. I'm going to combust if I don't cool down. I'm wet and sticky from earlier and I'm soaking now. The denim from my jeans permeate. I stand up and walk down the beach.

My toes poke holes in rough sand and the water pulls my feet further in. I can see Rose and Em further down the beach. He's on top of her like Edward was just a short time ago. They must be making up. In the other direction are Mr. and Mrs. Cullen. They're not loud but I can hear quiet laughter and glasses tink as they cheers.

I wrap my arms around myself. The breeze picks up and goosebumps cover my bare arms. I'm fourteen and my boy gave me an actual orgasm. He grinded and circle and pushed into me until I was screaming and creaming and hefty breathing in his ears. I remember gripping and pulling his skin. I remember the feel in my belly and the tension that snapped the second he made me come. His body shocked mine into the best feeling I've ever experienced, and I vow to try and do it myself.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks, standing next to me. I smell summer-sweetness and pot.

"The way you felt between me," I whisper gently.

His eyes sear the side of my face. It takes a lot to show indifference to this boy who is lighting me on fire from the inside.

"How did I feel?" he asks quietly.

I'm quiet for a brief moment before turning to him and smiling. "Like fireworks in the winter."

"I can't wait to kiss you later," he says.

"I know," I respond before walking away.

~!~

It's nearly eleven and we've just loaded the car. All our friends have slowly disappeared and Mr. Cullen is driving the four of us home. Jas and Edward are in the second row and Alice rests her head on my shoulder in the way, way back. She's not sleeping but I know the pot has her sleepy-high and she's coming down. When we return home, my dad's cruiser is in the driveway and the lights in our home are off.

"Stay," Al yawns, leading me to the basement. She's on the couch and I'm putting her head on a pillow and she's snoring before I tuck her in snug-as-a-bug. I shut off the lights and follow the boys outside. They're sitting on the back porch talking about school and ball and summer-time-sadness. I tell them I'm headed back down to Alice and Edward tells me to go to his room as he stands.

"You'll text me if she wakes up?" Edward asks Jas.

"Don't I always?" Jas replies and I kinda-sorta feel just the slightest bit of displeasure in Jasper's words. He feels unloyal to Alice and there might come a time when his loyalty to his girl means more than his loyalty to his boy. We'll deal with that when it happens, though.

For now, I'm walking slowly to Edward's bedroom and hoping his parents don't notice two pairs of footsteps on the stairs. His door creaks open and we're inside. He's tearing off my shorts and pulling down my bathing suit. I'm naked but he can't even see. It's dark as ink in his room and before he hands me an old tee shirt, his hands find my breasts and his thumbs brush my nipples. His hands skim so gently down my curves and over my bare bottom.

"Put this on before I do something stupid, pretty baby."

I throw his shirt over my head and it falls just below my bottom. I use his bathroom and clean up down there. I throw my hair in a bun. When I open the door, Edward is on his back and his TV lights his room in hues of blue and white. He pats the spot next to him and I curl into his side on cold-as-summer-air-conditioned sheets. He's pulling up the blanket and I'm kissing his neck.

"Happy birthday, party girl," he whispers, kissing my hair.

"I love you," I tell him.

"I love you," he says into my hair.

I feel his finger brush my forehead and breath in. His other hand grabs the back of my knee as I throw my leg over his. I'm bare under his shirt and he can feel it on his leg. Before anything can happen, though, I'm drifting and dreaming of blue-greens and long fingers.


End file.
